...this time: isolated in the room, where the [auditors lurk]

i love him. (Sufjan).

i also love fleet foxes. please purchase their new album in honor of everything wonderful, six days after i leave.

and guess what. it's THURSDAY. i'm starting to think it may be my favorite day. more so at school, where i can legitmately start the weekend (by playing til two...or later...) but. 30 rock and community are playing in kville tonight too...then yoga...

and i'm not going to provo this weekend. it's my goal. i'm not even allowed to accidentally go. i'm staying here. HA.

and please, the term is, "urban anglophile", not "indie kid". (thank you, [whoever reviewed Reservoir (deluxe edition) by Fanfarlo on itunes], for being so politically correct.)

also chistoso:

m: oh dang it, i forgot my...well. we can just carry...don't put them, no! don't use--
a: stop being so GREEN!

madre: where are you going?!
hija: the bathroom! i have to go really bad! i've had to for like--
padres (in unison): NO, you DON'T!

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do...

...if there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

i love that song, so much. and i love the way it makes me feel. i love the way my heart aches for people and things i miss, happy experiences i've had, things i hope to happen in the future.

but i don't love the way my heart aches over hateful things i couldn't/can't change. it feels like a rotten nasty lump in me that might shrink, or be ignored, but feels like it'll never disappear. fun reminder of that today. oh well. anyway.

christmas is the BEST. and since finals have existed, i always leave my shopping til the very last second, which proves to be difficult when i still insist on the most BOMB presents for my famfam, who are da best.

but it always works out. and it's always the most wonderful feeling to see their happy surprised faces.

YAY CHRITHMATH!
let's go watch the grinch.

i won't look back anymore, i left the people that do, it's not the chase that i love, it's me following you!

If you're having a ...confused, unhappy, questionable, missing, unsettling...less-than-perfect day, and you can't...think, listen to sufjan. i could NOT concentrate yesterday, until i started. additionally, i've been thinking about what a dear nathan said last night about music...how sensitive he is to it.

the reason i cry so much is because i love to let everything in. if i feel like anything...a movie, a song, a sentence, a look, an action, a conversation, had love and effort and passion placed into it by the creator, i'll give it a chance. sometimes i shut myself off, because it's more comfortable, but how can i live my life with my eyes half-open? so i opened them last night as nathan's choice of beautiful french music washed over me, and i went home and listened to some sufjan and worked on my paper, and cried, haha, and went to bed. and now, as i reflect over people and things and experiences and everything that i've learned this year, i can do it with my eyes open, and without that uncomfortable anxious feeling. i'm so grateful to so many wonderful people that helped me, whether they live in my ward, or in provo, or in kaysville, or in logan, or ...the DR, Brazil, CA, Canada, NY ...and i wouldn't take anything back.

i'm really glad i feel like this beFORE finals, so i'll be able to concentrate finally, and stop feeling anxious and unhappy and wanting this semester to end...haha.

anyway. thanks, everybody.
i hate sunrises. i also have a rather difficult time embracing change. but i'm doing that right now. hence, the picture.

oh, also, that WHOLE line^ in kick drum heart totally applies to me.
i'm excited for the future. for my life. for new things. and for development of other things. i'm not chasing someone i'm in love with, i'm chasing life.

in the morning through the window shade

i love my family. and st. george. and how beautiful it is. and kinda byu.
but i think i'm always the most aware of what i love when it's not in front of me.
like some missionaries, and children attending other schools, and things.
and definitely some darling friends that i haven't had to do without for awhile.
i love loving, also.
i love you.