a bit more.

this is what gq was talking about, the ONLY manner in which vespas can be ridden by men.


love.


a couple naughty words in this one...i apologize. (like really, don't watch it if naughty words unplease you, please.)

where you invest your love, you invest your life.

it seems whenever i have the most to say, i have the least to blog. ummmmm. some things:

.zooey is just as incredible in real life as she seems to be in all forms of media.
.m.ward too.
.ben probably was definitely in the trailer.
.cpk has nice hummus.
.hummus tastes especially nice in the presence of missed friends.
.i don't think i am the same i was when i was sixteen, at all...there's that.
.i LOVE being an english major.
.i didn't think it was possible, to blow out headphones, but i think i've done it. maybe three times, in the last month...haha....dang it.
.byu campus isn't just cute, it's positively frighteningly adorable. good?.
.girl hay-tahs are the BEST.
.i love musicians that play and write and sing with passion.
.i keep finding myself shushing people (like close friends, not professors) when i don't like what they're saying. rude...where did i pick that up?.
.i always forget how many people fit in provo.
.i miss ratch.
.there should be sixteen days in a week. then dinner groups would be easy.
.the DR and brasil aren't even on the same PLANET this week.
.i will NEVER tire of dance pah-ties.
.i always get super anxious that someone's going to be decapitated when i see lots of surfers.
.have a pleasant day.

uncertain sideways streets, where things that don't match meet!

school starts ONE WEEK FROM TODAY.
and i'm SUPA excited. honestly. partly for school, but mostly cause all the new PEOPLE. at work, in classes, in the ward...i haven't even met my roommates yet. any of them.

i'm also RIDICULOUSLY excited for people to return to provo...some have been at home, some have been across the country worrrrking, some have just been visiting nice people and places since last week...but i am READY to have you all BACK.

:)

this is my last week at the skyroom, and of course it's without dee. lame. oh well. i will miss my dear dee (of course), porterrockwell, embly, jamie, and sam. well, mostly everyone. mostly. haha.

no matter what's happened in my life, how stupid or clever i've been, if i can look back a few months and say to myself "you know WHAT, you learned a lot. good job. keep going. you can do even better. and you did better than before." then i'm good.

i'm good.
come ooonnnnn september! i'm ready.

p.s.... awhile ago, i started a new phase, and began it with a picture of a sunrise. i think that phase is over. which is okay and great. but. just to show how much i love my DEE and to signify the termination:

srsly.

a: "I" BEFORE "E" EXCEPT AFTER "C" AND "V".
m: what? when does that apply with "v"?
a: receive. (in sincerity.)
m: (pause) there is no i ANYwhere after that "v"...
a: (pause) ohh....okay.

a:...and we can LIVE in a BEAUTIFUL SANCTUARY!!!
m:(pause) what? why would you...what?
a: well, i said sanctuary, but i meant cottage.

wm: go vote for your favorite chili!
f: i don't vote for the president, why would i vote for chili?

t: uuuugh i'm so tired.
m: i'm tired too, in fact i'd better eat my apple.

i feel so wonderful, i could yell!

el futbol. amusement park swings=best.
it's a HOT here. but we know what to do.
nobody, raise your voices.
yayyyyy for beautiful music.

bicycling on every wednesday evening...

i...really don't. i don't even know if i ever have. it's mostly been done every other day of the week, i think. haha.
anyway.

yesterday was our last real 236th summer semester ward activity. and guess what.
i was sad.

(i am aware, pretty much everything provokes some great emotion from me, which could mean you judge me to be dramatic...but if that bothers you, you should probably have stopped reading my blog by now. like, NOW. or i'm going to accidentally give you an ulcer, and i don't want that.)

I say to rachel (ratch), all the time, when I get upset about something "I wish I just didn't CARE." One time, she firmly, but kindly, said, "Missy, no you don't." And she's right, and I can't ever forget that. I'm never going to be good at saying goodbyes, but that's okay. If I'm ever in a state of not-missing-someone, either the second coming has occurred, or my heart has turned to stone. So. It's okay.
Also. I've felt a pretty constant feeling--especially since i started college--of frustration...that I'm always missing out on something. There's always somewhere else I could be, someone else I could be with, something else I could be doing. But, oh well. We have to make choices constantly in life, and as long as i don't repeatedly choose to sit home and do nothing, I'm going to have to be happy with whatever I'm doing.

SO. Since I've realized that I'm NEVER going to be able to do EVERYTHING that I wish I could, or I think I should, I should just chill out and be grateful for the things I HAVE done.

Sooooo.
thank you, my darling summer friends, (and eternal family) for helping me (since the beginning of May):
.live in the cutest, happiest, greatest ghetto apt EVER for four months with three of the BEST roomates,
.swwwwim,
.camp,
.have nice talks about everything i could possibly desire,
.be involved in the BEST ward with the BEST calling ever,
.make new friends,
.make better friends,
.read,
.enjoy otter pops and popsicles and snow cones and ice cream and un-cal-fro-yo and MOCHI,
.discover/experience lots of GREAT music,
.watch some old and new WONDERFUL films,
.try loooots of great cuisine,
.trust and be trusted,
.write happy letters,
.take happy photos,
.have fun at family gatherings,
.play at amusement parks,
.ride all over south provo on darling bicycles,
.browse the city biblioteca,
.enjoy porch sitting on summer afternoons and evenings and nights,
.shhhop,
.read lots of informative and some pointless magazine articles,
.attain more freckles and lightened hair from spending time in the ssssun,
.have bonfires. every time i remotely desired one,
.play at that freezing beautiful lake down the road,
.travel down that freezing beautiful river up the road,
.rrrroadtrip,
.looongboard,
.dance my heart out,
.overcome some secret and severely silly fears,
.play in the ocean,
.love urbanness,
.love suburbanness,
.utilize my sunglasses,
.have fun smelling drugs i'm not doing and sweaty people i don't know/attending excellent concerts,
.wear my favorite attire, over and over and over--tshirt and cutoffs/jeans,
.play with sparklers and fireworks,
.sleep in,
.laugh LOADS,
.get free breakfast,
.talk to important byu visitors and new zealanders,
.watch darling love sparks happen,
.cry for not sorrowful reasons,
.read excellent writing/see beautiful photos on bloooogs,
.LOVE,
.be loved,
.see GREAT things,
.gaze and wonder nightly at the BEAUTIFUL night sky,
.sing lots, with lots of talented guitarists and a couple ukuleleists,
.play a little bit of piano and ukulele and guitar...haha,
.help a little african's feet,
.deal with things i needed/need to,
.play nintendo,
.be creative,
.be artistic,
.express myself,
.watch some GREAT musicals,
.learn more about the gospel, people, the world, politics, government, ....lots of things,
.learn more about (by others' example): sacrifice, real love, selflessness, courage, patience, hard work, persistence, finding jooooy in all things...and so much more,
.experience joy and a special unity watching beautiful SOCCER,
.play soccer, frisbee, ultimate, and kickball,
.see a whole lacrosse game,
.enjoy countless gorgeous sunsets and other beautiful skies,
.learn lots of little slivers of languages,
.hear LOTS of awesome experiences in others' lives, especially about missions,
.and help me learn/remember a little better, who i am.

love you,
missy.

if it were mine, it would be yours to take.

i don't want to get married, right now. at ALL.

but. the thought, of a best friend, that will be with me, for forEVER, and won't go to a different school hours away, or leave me for a couple years, or forget about me 'cause they're in love with someone else, or move away, or move onto cooler friends, or whatever...

is SO appealing.

selfish, i am. annnnd that's why i've still got a FEW years before i figure out my tribe. and my future hussaband's. haha.

on a completely unrelated note, pleeeeeeease listen to this song.

unrealistic notion...

I always want to try and understand people, what motivates the things they do and say, the way they interact with others, why they make the goals they do...I think it originally came from trying to be friends with people that frustrated me, but now I just do it with everyone.

I think because of this, I've become terribly set on making a set picture of myself, everywhere I go. There's lots of different aspects of it, but a key part of this is that I want myself to be that friend, that you can go to, to talk to.

More than that. That girl, in the friend group, that everyone, especially the boys, can go to, to open up to about ANYthing. I learned in high school, that with most friend groups, the best way to do this is to not date anyone in the friend group. Never be interested in anyone, and make sure no one's ever interested in me. Obviously, because humans are human, I usually don't have a clean record on either of the last two accounts. However, for the most part, I've held true to the anti-dating policy. (And truthfully, I'm proud of it. I don't really care if I should be, but I personally have zero desire to be in thirty four relationships that don't work out, before I figure out my tribe. Even though dating is totally different than friendship, I think a LOT can be collected from friendships, about who I mean to/want to be, and who I want to marry.)

Although the occasional chick-flick, or facebook album of engagements causes little twinges of desire for that someone, I've survived quite nicely. Unfortunately, I've been running into something much worse that's made me question my vow of extremely-limited-dating-before-the-mission: real true live love. Hearing about, watching, and witnessing my dear friends and family experience heartbreak over a relationship that meant way more than someone to hold hands with, pretending so desperately that they're surviving alright when their fervent search for their "one and only" seems hopeless, and last of all, when they FIND that someone. and MARRY that someone.

My mother has lectured me for, literally, years about this role I place myself in. She doesn't know how purposeful it is, because I won't let her know. She doesn't want to see me in pain like [one of my relatives], who couldn't understand, for aWHILe, why she couldn't find her tribe. (it's cause...i think she had, but her... ultimate compatible tribe companion? this is getting hard, hahah....was still on a mission! and growing up a little.) Really though, it obviously worked out, sooo....I'll be fine.