they say you gotta lose a couple fights to win...

 i'm done! i'm not not going to school anymore, working, living in kaysville, waiting for stuff to happen.

woooooow. (said like scott pilgrim/michael cera, please) i can't remember the last time i was this excited. and i feel so different. like, over big stretches of time, it's easy/interesting to see how i've changed, but i feel like i've changed and changed and changed just over the past...well, semester. (it doesn't really make sense to call it that, cause i wasn't in school, but it's exactly that stretch of time. :) )

I'm  supposed to talk on the resurrection tomorrow, and i'm having a hard time focusing on one thing, because there are so many GREAT events in the gospel around Easter.

(YESSSS. mom's not putting celery in the sandwiches. you're welcome, everyone that's going to eat one tomorrow. me and ashley definitely fought for that one. anyway.)

Everything is centered around it! The great faith of those who patiently waited, and had faith, and followed Christ, even if they never saw Him during their life on earth. Isn't that most of us? It is hard, I suppose, to believe in something so much, if we've never literally seen it, or experienced it, but. That's what this life is about! Having faith and persevering and making it work. Because Christ did come and atone for our sins, He was resurrected, and He will come again.

So much LOVE in my heart right now. Which is also what the gospel's totally about. We have this process of repentance through the atonement given to us because our Heavenly Father loves us, and wants us to be happy, and wants us to return to Him. And our Elder Brother volunteered Himself out of love.

i love my excellent friends i've grown up with, from birth to high school, and i love all the wonderful times i've had in this adorable county with them. i love all my baby missionaries, most of whom are getting home this summmmer, and i'm so excited for all of them and their families and friends! :) i love all my wonderful friends i've met in the places i've worked. sometimes those are the most awesome friends, because they're literally made through hard work. i love all my darling cawledge friends and all the crazy adventures we've had, and long talks, and grooowing experiences. and i love my family, most of all. SOOOO much. they are soooo wonderful and great and hilarious and awesome.

and MOST of all, i love my Father in Heaven. and that is why i'm leaving all these wondypants people for eighteen months. so that i can help bring happiness to the lives of many other people i'll come to love.

best wall paper ever, right? i'll miss it.

i'm. so. exciiiittttteeeeed.

daaa da. daaa da da. daaa...

Welp. This day was great.
And I made this:

Also, I decided to start using my phone again last night, after mostly not for like two weeks (I'd just been with the fam and writing LOTSA letters...haha) and it was weird. Happy, but weird.
That's all.
Love.

it's the coast I crave, leads me to my grave.

bikie bike. eepud. cameraaaa. i have to think these things when i want to be DONE and just play all day.
or when i start looking at a j.crew magazine...

and can i just say? i FINALLLLY got the letter from elder k. b. koenen, and baaawled.
what a baby. also, wow. growing up is crazy. great and scary, also.

on another note, i do like making calls for this company when they actually KNOW what i'm talking about. and IIII actually know what i'm talking about. hahaha.

and the countdowns: 48 days til Washington (well, really, provo. hahaha.), 16 days til Mr. Long Beach California. (and the cruuuuuise baby! (if you say baby at the end of something, it makes it more exciting. you also sound like 9 year old boy.) ocean! beach! food! fat! sun! yayyyy!)

one last thing. scott pilgrim vs. the world is a WONDERFUL film. it makes me smile just thinking about it. (literally, i'm smiling now.)


don't watch the trailer. it gives away the entire movie. (which i, personally, do NOT think a trailer should do. it should just entice you. like the kung fu panda 2 trailer.)
otay bye.

a functioning cog in some great machinery serving something beyond me.

invoices are da BEST. YUM. maybe i should just stay here forever, yeah?

on another note, the more i differentiate between profit and non-profit organizations, the more i'm determined to work for one. (non-profit) i'm not saying, of course, that everything should be non-profit, or everyone should only work for non-profit, that would be ridiculous, and not america, i just would like that to be my path. and before you say it, yes i do WANT to be poor. HA.

also. i know it's dumb. but sometimes it's REALLY hard to not get excited about things that are happening in...

forever.

like. the summer.

and stuff...like reuniting with people who seem to read my mind from whatever thousand miles away. and tell me i'm "the BAWST". (kbk) hahaha.

silly. meanwhile, 57 days 10 hours 8 minutes 10 seconds til midnight of that DAY.
after which i think i'll be a little busier, my head full of things other than whether or not we paid for that last shipment.

and yay for alice in wonderland winning TWO oscars! not that it really matters. but i love that film. :)

tres cosas

uno.
i don't really like all-american rejects. "swing swing" may have captured my heart in jr. high, but i've definitely moved on. however.
glee has this way of making me love songs. "truth be told i miss you, and truth be told i'm lyin!"
hahahha. great.

dos.
people i so DO miss:
(i can just hear his little NC accent) "Your buddy sounds like a real jerk." (hahhahahahhahaha.)
"The gospel isn't just something good, it is God's plan for us." (really, exactly.)
"Let's camp under a tree sometime." (hahhahahhahaha. love him.)
-elder davis

"The post office just ended a strike of 3 weeks, so you can't be all pissed, k??" (hahahhahahha...if there was any chance of me being so, it just went out the window at that.)
"Be really strong...it will all go alright." (ahh. miss him. love him.)
-elder koenen

tres.
wednesday: a;lsdkfalksjbvlkashbeiohao;ivhslkdjfssLKDJHAFLKUVBAE;KS;LVKJAS;LDKFJ;ALSKNV;LSDKGJA;LSDKJF;ALSDKFJ;ALSDKFJ;ASLDKFJ;
but you know, like, whatever.

dear p-vo, and its inhabitants:

hot-tubbing @ sparkle apple + canyon bonfiring + pvo temple + soda + fresh rms + sisters + nephew baby + voodoo salad + carpooling + 236 + breadsticks + mission talk +new friends + old friends =


thanks. that was great. times seven. kbye.

why can't you see yourself as beautiful as i see you?

I want to say that to everyone. Because you are ALL so beautiful.
also:

"The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people." -Elizabeth Gilbert, eat pray love

I haven't seen the film, I'm just reading the book right now. And I love it.
I want to say I'd recommend it to everyone, but I don't. It was perfect for me, to help me realize how I think, how I live my life, and how I used to, and won't anymore. Everything from her adoration of the Italian language and food, to her habit of clinging to people she loves helped me dive into this book, nodding my head with perfect understanding at everything she said. Granted, I haven't been divorced, or traveled across the world, or lived on the upper east coast, but I could definitely relate. Okay I'm getting sidetracked. I'm just saying, it was a great book for me, but it has some language, and it does go on a bit about the depression. If you can't/don't want to handle that, then don't read it. :)

MY POINT: It's not about being the most accomplished or loved, the wealthiest or the smartest, the most attractive, or the most talented. LIFE is about bringing your own happiness to you in everything you do, finding peace in your storm of a life ("we're just a million little gods causin' rainstorms, turning every good thing to rust!" -af :)) and making good choices, and then you can fulfill your purpose, to live this life the best that you can, and help your brothers and sisters on the way. Of course, this is much easier for me to embrace than to practice, (especially when Little Brother starts his second hour of "America's Funniest Home Videos" and turns it up louder...) but I think I've at least gotten to a point of contentment, that I know my happiness depends on me, and no one else. And our Heavenly Father can ALWAYS help me find it, no matter how hard it is.

All I can listen to lately is the dear Avett brothers. (Partly because they're so mild...I can't listen to anything very loud these days, haha, which is so weird, but SUCH a blessing in preparation.) Their lyrics are so sincere and simple and happy, even the saddest songs have a deep understanding that there's a much greater purpose in all of this. I love them. I want to see them before I die, definitely.

I can't wait to be "swept away" by "a [boy] that I adore", but I have lots to do before then. So. There's that. And no, I don't have my call yet. I don't know why, (I mean, technically, yes, I know why, if you really want to know, I'll tell you...) but I'm okay with it. Really. Maybe now me and Marsh will get them together, which would be AWESOME. The best answer sometimes is: just don't worry about it. So I'm not worrying about it. And I'll tell you when it comes, kay? Kay.
LOVE. bye.

horsemessersmithtraceguthrie...

one of my gifts today was an itunes gift card. last year, i got 30$ worth, and i still ended up spending some of my money. i love getting a few songs from lots of bands, tasting lots of things, savoring, exploring...i love it. a lot. more than food and clothes and movies and other worldly things. music is by far my favorite.

but i just got on to redeem it and...everything sounds the same. i like it, but i don't really care. i'm not dying to buy/find/get every album, to blast it/plug in my headphones/show someone.

i don't care.

i don't even remember the last time i felt indifferent to music. i think it's because it's never happened. i can always find something to satisfy my craving. because yes, it's an addiction.

it's a blessing. it's a shock, but a blessing. happy christmas.

it's only change, and i'm only changing...

i've heard it a million times, and so have you:

yeah, i hated that area, but by the time i was transferred, i was so sad, cause i'd grown to love it.

i thought she was so obnoxious, but then we had to work together, and we got really close, by the time the class was over, i was sad i didn't see her anymore.

i had to work with him everyday, and at first he drove me crazy, but i grew to like him by the end, and i missed him after i left.

et cetera.

you start out in a situation, and it's hard. it's unhappy, you don't know what to do with yourself, you want everything to be "just like it used to be". you acknowledge that it won't, then you go to work. and it's difficult, but you see a change that grows and grows until suddenly, the situation you've been complaining about is now creating most of the happiness in your life.

by the time we're comfortable, we have to move on, so we can grow some more.

i finally am comfortable in provo. i don't just have friends, or fun, but it's my home. last night i had my last (maybe? probably.) sunday chat with ...probably my best non-gibson friend in provo... and it was surreal. we talked about the way we became friends, which is kinda crazy. lots of things happened that put us in the right place at the right time...and not all happy things. mostly not happy things, actually. but we both chose to make the best of things, and now, he's truly and honestly like the big brother i've never had. but of course, because we're only pseudo-siblings, we have to say goodbye now, and i don't know where we're both going to be in two years. but that's okay. we're leaving each other better, and i will never forget our friendship.

i'm going to miss my big brother, my best friends, my ward family, byu, provo, and living in the same city with four of my real siblings, but. i'm so excited for this next step.


goodbye provo, hello kaysville.


oh and p.s....it's almost christmas. be excited. :)
(official christmas tree of allred twelve, thanks going to my dear miss cassandra.)

up and up i keep on climbing!

yes. for real. yes. this is kanye.

aaaand:

m: i wouldn't be able to marry someone that dresses terribly, because i wouldn't be attracted to him in the first place!

r: (exasperated, then suddenly excited) okay, what if you were in a play. and he only wore nice clothes, in the play. HA!

(hypothetically recovering from thinking a muskrat costume was that of a kitten.)

g: i shoulda known by the tail. i shoulda known by the skat.

(discussing what should be done about the absolute lack of fear in the deer on campus)

k: someone needs to take a knife and stab one of them!

everyone: (quiet, confusion)

someone: why??

k: well, to show them that we're dangerous!

l: what is it called when you have to do something?

e: commitment?

l: oh yes, that.

g: (out of NOWHERE, peaks head around the corner) wait, who's not sexually active??

(professor forbids any stupid cliche poetry from being turned in at the end of the term)

d: well, there goes my portfolio!

p: all those butterfly poems!

g: son of a!

i love funny people. i couldn't stand it if my life was without them. so i must document this, if only for myself. haha.

also, time is FLYING by right now. i think i like it?

also also, i am, officially, beginning work on my mission papers. :)

riding bikes, making out...brushing teeth.

i love these two.

and the former? three very good things.

thanks, jónsi.

i love my roomates. talking and cooking and laughing and everything with them. last night i related to my darling viv a delightful and hilarious transition of events in my life...isn't it great how insane things can be in the present, but in retrospect they're just really awesome? i'm really grateful for my life, and the things that have happened in it. especially 2006 on. it's been pretty bomb. (also, it's just bomb that me and viv are the same person, there's that.)

missionary work is so great. i received a long awaited (well, honestly, they're all long-awaited, i'm an incredibly impatient person) letter yesterday, annnnd to be honest, even though he's my bestest friendie ever...i can't hear his voice anymore when i read them. partly because he's grown/changed soooo much. missionary work is the most eternal, selfless, wonderful thing EVER. I just wish i could go right noooow. but i know i can prepare more first, so i can be more effective, so it's okay.

one more thing. biiiiiking. is. sooooo. great. i want it to be warm forever. or i just may run away to a warmer climate so i may keep riding til my bday.

cloud cult's new album + jónsi + great thoughts about life previously discussed with a dear friend= best ride eeev. er.

try it?

bye.

Fall 2012

I just put a few big fat envelopes in the mailbox this week...and even though it was a one way conversation (obviously), it felt like i was catching up with my best friends. a lot. and i've just had warm fuzzies ever since, thinking about when we really do catch up. and i get to see their little man faces.
if i didn't know the gospel was the most TRUE and WONDERFUL thing ever, i probably wouldn't be able to survive their being gone-ness.

but i do.
so it's okay.

tbear, kirkle, francis, jordie, danny, jonrose, spp, nater, kevbot, spacker, eth: i love you all BUCKETS. and i MISS YOU.
but it's okay.
see you in a little.

this is the best day of my life...we spreaded blankets on the couch.

hi. this is my best friend. he is great. and busy being the only white person in the DR. go missions. really though. so great. for him. for everyone. (i am soooo excited for tan feet. in the summer. and freckles. and funny things.)

anyway...gueeeessss what.

this was the best day ever.

me and ratch slept in. (she's my future roomate. she's really great also.)

THEN we had a pleasant chat. (kinda like pillow talk, but in the morning. cause i fall asleep in seconds.)

i ate a bowl of captain crunch.

we brought hilary to campus. campus peoples saw my onesie...more funny than embarrassing. so it was okay.

we almost killed a couple people trying to say hi to alec...and missed him anyway. hahahha.

i got home and a letter from THAT one ^ was in the stinking mailbox...win.

bare, nathan, alec and i got fish tacos. ALWAYS a good thing.

went to work...worked with wonderful people, served nice students. (i really love nice students. they make life so much better.)

ate a wonderful nutritious din-din at work. with my pleasant co-workers.

finished early, then went to the library to quickly write a nice paper, running into my nice friend ben, who is totally living right by me this summer, win.

and now...i'm watching a film about love and family and being awesome and cartooness and special effects and old concepts bringing new happiness...no, not avatar. avavomit. SPEED RACER. with nathan, tucker, rub and ratch, and soon joce.

this day is close to perfection.

thank you, and, good night.

(also i'm going to eat broccoli omelets in the morning. and ratch is baking bananer muffins. seriously. WIN.)