bicycling on every wednesday evening...

i...really don't. i don't even know if i ever have. it's mostly been done every other day of the week, i think. haha.
anyway.

yesterday was our last real 236th summer semester ward activity. and guess what.
i was sad.

(i am aware, pretty much everything provokes some great emotion from me, which could mean you judge me to be dramatic...but if that bothers you, you should probably have stopped reading my blog by now. like, NOW. or i'm going to accidentally give you an ulcer, and i don't want that.)

I say to rachel (ratch), all the time, when I get upset about something "I wish I just didn't CARE." One time, she firmly, but kindly, said, "Missy, no you don't." And she's right, and I can't ever forget that. I'm never going to be good at saying goodbyes, but that's okay. If I'm ever in a state of not-missing-someone, either the second coming has occurred, or my heart has turned to stone. So. It's okay.
Also. I've felt a pretty constant feeling--especially since i started college--of frustration...that I'm always missing out on something. There's always somewhere else I could be, someone else I could be with, something else I could be doing. But, oh well. We have to make choices constantly in life, and as long as i don't repeatedly choose to sit home and do nothing, I'm going to have to be happy with whatever I'm doing.

SO. Since I've realized that I'm NEVER going to be able to do EVERYTHING that I wish I could, or I think I should, I should just chill out and be grateful for the things I HAVE done.

Sooooo.
thank you, my darling summer friends, (and eternal family) for helping me (since the beginning of May):
.live in the cutest, happiest, greatest ghetto apt EVER for four months with three of the BEST roomates,
.swwwwim,
.camp,
.have nice talks about everything i could possibly desire,
.be involved in the BEST ward with the BEST calling ever,
.make new friends,
.make better friends,
.read,
.enjoy otter pops and popsicles and snow cones and ice cream and un-cal-fro-yo and MOCHI,
.discover/experience lots of GREAT music,
.watch some old and new WONDERFUL films,
.try loooots of great cuisine,
.trust and be trusted,
.write happy letters,
.take happy photos,
.have fun at family gatherings,
.play at amusement parks,
.ride all over south provo on darling bicycles,
.browse the city biblioteca,
.enjoy porch sitting on summer afternoons and evenings and nights,
.shhhop,
.read lots of informative and some pointless magazine articles,
.attain more freckles and lightened hair from spending time in the ssssun,
.have bonfires. every time i remotely desired one,
.play at that freezing beautiful lake down the road,
.travel down that freezing beautiful river up the road,
.rrrroadtrip,
.looongboard,
.dance my heart out,
.overcome some secret and severely silly fears,
.play in the ocean,
.love urbanness,
.love suburbanness,
.utilize my sunglasses,
.have fun smelling drugs i'm not doing and sweaty people i don't know/attending excellent concerts,
.wear my favorite attire, over and over and over--tshirt and cutoffs/jeans,
.play with sparklers and fireworks,
.sleep in,
.laugh LOADS,
.get free breakfast,
.talk to important byu visitors and new zealanders,
.watch darling love sparks happen,
.cry for not sorrowful reasons,
.read excellent writing/see beautiful photos on bloooogs,
.LOVE,
.be loved,
.see GREAT things,
.gaze and wonder nightly at the BEAUTIFUL night sky,
.sing lots, with lots of talented guitarists and a couple ukuleleists,
.play a little bit of piano and ukulele and guitar...haha,
.help a little african's feet,
.deal with things i needed/need to,
.play nintendo,
.be creative,
.be artistic,
.express myself,
.watch some GREAT musicals,
.learn more about the gospel, people, the world, politics, government, ....lots of things,
.learn more about (by others' example): sacrifice, real love, selflessness, courage, patience, hard work, persistence, finding jooooy in all things...and so much more,
.experience joy and a special unity watching beautiful SOCCER,
.play soccer, frisbee, ultimate, and kickball,
.see a whole lacrosse game,
.enjoy countless gorgeous sunsets and other beautiful skies,
.learn lots of little slivers of languages,
.hear LOTS of awesome experiences in others' lives, especially about missions,
.and help me learn/remember a little better, who i am.

love you,
missy.

it's all around to see, if we try.

"every question, every answer too.
ever constant, ever changing view.
it's a memory in the sun.
or it's all in the darkness.

maybe it's all around to see if we try.
but maybe it's been inside of me all this time.

LOVE (18 times)
ooh.

crazy with it
crazier without
never certain
never full of doubt

now you feel it
now you don't
do you know what you're feelin'?
where did it come from, and where does it go?
if it were right in front of me, would i know?

LOVE (27 times)"

-shiny toy guns

my sister ashbash has been obSESSED with this since i showed it to her.
after, i'd already been obsessed with it...three times.

so you'd think i'd be sick of it by now? no.

becaaaaause i love love. (and shiny toy guns' take on it.) no, i don't love watching cheesy "classic" lovey movies, most of the time, and i don't love reading long novels about people slowly falling in love, (or quickly, and doing "cute" things...no.) all that fictional crap...for the most part, no.

but REAL love. like watching my grandparents, after over fifty years of marriage, make breakfast together. or watching my dad feed his grandbaby a bottle. or watching two people slowly get closer and closer, until they decide to make a marriage. :) haha. or two best friends, laughing at inside jokes, finishing each others sentences, bringing out the best in each other. or watching a mom patiently trying to feed her excited toddlers, after they've thrown half their food on the ground. every kind of love. but probably my favorite this weekend...

when loads of darling spaniards, proud of their team and their country, celebrate by the thousands for winning their first world cup.
NICE WORK. go spain. :)

wave yo flag.

kay...it's summer. i went to disneyland last week. with my mommy and daddy and unmarried siblings. so i'm still mostly a kid right? wait. doesn't that mean everything's supposed to be easy and i don't worry about money or big choices or jobs or missions or friends moving/being across the country/world? fail. growing up is weird.
maybe ... that's why i'm so obsessed with peter pan lately. (i refuse to check out anything but that from the library lately. but they're still all checked out. overdue, even. hmph.)
the world cup is so great. i mean, i love all the weird things they do in the olympics, but this is so much better. everyone just plays soccer! i know what's going ON!
speaking of which, this just made my heart exPLODE with happiness:

everyone's so happy. and beautiful. we should all watch some more world cup. with flags.
anyway. you know those cute kids that started dating senior year, that, if our lives were tv shows, they'd be summer and seth, or blair and chuck, or jim and pam, jack and kate, j.d. and elliot, whatever. TWO of those couples i know, got enGAGED this week. what??? fairy tales...do come true. ahhh. and i'm here. doing? what. i don't know. i don't want to get married. i don't want to go to school. i just want to work. or volunteer. something. just. something that doesn't involve my brain, or uncomfortable emotions. if you see me, like, laughing to myself, or crying, or something, around provo, don't worry. i'm just havin a lil nervous breakdown.
go watch some soccer.