they say you gotta lose a couple fights to win...

 i'm done! i'm not not going to school anymore, working, living in kaysville, waiting for stuff to happen.

woooooow. (said like scott pilgrim/michael cera, please) i can't remember the last time i was this excited. and i feel so different. like, over big stretches of time, it's easy/interesting to see how i've changed, but i feel like i've changed and changed and changed just over the past...well, semester. (it doesn't really make sense to call it that, cause i wasn't in school, but it's exactly that stretch of time. :) )

I'm  supposed to talk on the resurrection tomorrow, and i'm having a hard time focusing on one thing, because there are so many GREAT events in the gospel around Easter.

(YESSSS. mom's not putting celery in the sandwiches. you're welcome, everyone that's going to eat one tomorrow. me and ashley definitely fought for that one. anyway.)

Everything is centered around it! The great faith of those who patiently waited, and had faith, and followed Christ, even if they never saw Him during their life on earth. Isn't that most of us? It is hard, I suppose, to believe in something so much, if we've never literally seen it, or experienced it, but. That's what this life is about! Having faith and persevering and making it work. Because Christ did come and atone for our sins, He was resurrected, and He will come again.

So much LOVE in my heart right now. Which is also what the gospel's totally about. We have this process of repentance through the atonement given to us because our Heavenly Father loves us, and wants us to be happy, and wants us to return to Him. And our Elder Brother volunteered Himself out of love.

i love my excellent friends i've grown up with, from birth to high school, and i love all the wonderful times i've had in this adorable county with them. i love all my baby missionaries, most of whom are getting home this summmmer, and i'm so excited for all of them and their families and friends! :) i love all my wonderful friends i've met in the places i've worked. sometimes those are the most awesome friends, because they're literally made through hard work. i love all my darling cawledge friends and all the crazy adventures we've had, and long talks, and grooowing experiences. and i love my family, most of all. SOOOO much. they are soooo wonderful and great and hilarious and awesome.

and MOST of all, i love my Father in Heaven. and that is why i'm leaving all these wondypants people for eighteen months. so that i can help bring happiness to the lives of many other people i'll come to love.

best wall paper ever, right? i'll miss it.

i'm. so. exciiiittttteeeeed.

he might never see her again.

hahah. the title is just an excuse to quote the avetts, it has zero to...okay lie. i have been wondering a lot lately if i'll be friends with any of my baby missionaries when we both back. all of them. i hope so. every one of them.

(I KNOW. I'M OBSESSING. SORRY. IT WILL PROB'LY ALL BE OKAY. YEP. SURE. KAY.)

GUESS WHAT (sorry, forgot it was on, but i refuse to go back...) missy's doing tomorrow! she's going to california!!!!!!! to southern california!!!!! before missy leaves!!!! to live on the ocean for a few days. :) soooooo happy.
well actually. missy will only make it to st. geezy tomorrow. but it's the first leg of da journey, otay?

i will swim. and eat. and LAUGH. because THIS vacation, i won't be sad (and pretending not to be) about something happening in my life. cause i'm just HAPPY!!!

(also, guess what. second to baby brother, just got his mission call to OREGON!!! eugene. so there's like three missions between us. but that's not the point. CRAZY!! and so GREAT. yesssss.)

jkl;fdsakl;afdskln;fdsa

oh hey. eepud's broken, so i was wondering what i should do. i should WRITE, duh. hahha. silly missy.


ooh ooh equation.
+
=

(missy+ocean=no, not equals the brothers avett, equals THE BEST!)

another equation for the provokiddz

reese's puffs + HOMEMADE french toast + utah lake + mochi + sister & sister's bff talks + sleeping in + cocoa bean artisan chocolate + fluffy snow + finding skirts that are mission appropriate AND attractive to missy = thanks, you wonnnnderful friendies. :)

you swept me away.

welp. about one year ago, i started this blog. and in about six weeks, it's going to die. but it was nice.

my heart's almost tired from all the love that's gushed out for

my sibs
my padres
my cousins
my grandparents
my aunts and uncles
my nephew
my bests
my friends
my leaders
my roomies
kids from kaysville/fh/f-ington/layton
kids [living in] provo
far-away missionaries
far-away anyone
my ward(s)
my neighbors
my schoolmates
my leaders (religious, scholastic, government..al?)

...a lot of people.
but it can't be tired. because the more i, or rather one, loves, the more love one has. and i get to go love a whole lot of washingtonians i've never met in just a little while.
and i couldn't be more excited. it is a very important thing, to everyone, to love, and be loved. i think President Monson puts it well:
go love someone.
also, i love you.

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do...

...if there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

i love that song, so much. and i love the way it makes me feel. i love the way my heart aches for people and things i miss, happy experiences i've had, things i hope to happen in the future.

but i don't love the way my heart aches over hateful things i couldn't/can't change. it feels like a rotten nasty lump in me that might shrink, or be ignored, but feels like it'll never disappear. fun reminder of that today. oh well. anyway.

christmas is the BEST. and since finals have existed, i always leave my shopping til the very last second, which proves to be difficult when i still insist on the most BOMB presents for my famfam, who are da best.

but it always works out. and it's always the most wonderful feeling to see their happy surprised faces.

YAY CHRITHMATH!
let's go watch the grinch.

i love being honest with myself.

welp. this is my fifth publishing of blogposts today, thank you. some of ...most of the emotions and opinions i ranted about in those unposted blogs, i do not feel today, or in this present time in general, but it was still liberating.

p.s. i love provo. dang it.

i'm thankful:
for pretty much every late night this summer, and this fall
for everyone in my ward
for my bests
for my fam
for other people's birthdays
for beautiful cinema
for pumpkin pie
for homemade mashed potatoes
for library visits with the summer crew
for porch chats at both of those houses i adore
for missions and missionaries
for letters
for skaters
for spanish
for MUSIC
for snow
for automobiles
for escuela
for hats
for literature
for the gospel
for my parents
for long walks
for bike rides
for ice cream
aaaand for the heartache some of these things, and all the people that keep openly/verbally dreading my departure, are causing me.

p.p.s. a friend made a perfect analogy today: right now, at this point, i feel like i'm a driver in mario cart, trying to dodge bananas and bombs and shells, at the same time maneuver my vehicle so i stay on the road, and avoid hitting other vehicles, and drive as quickly as i can, so everything will turn out well. this was exciting at the beginning [of the semester], but now the level's getting really hard, and i'm sick of playing, and i don't know how everything's going to turn out...

life IS wonderful.

"...It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful..."
-Jason Mraz, "Life is Wonderful" on Mr. A-Z
this, honestly, has been one of the best days in awhile. it feels like christmas i'm so happy. mostly, because my bestie friendie rachelface barney entered the mtc.

missions, are soooo, GREAT.
and i was finally able to really embrace that, and be happy for rachel (and julia) last night. it was really happy and chill, hardly any tears, saying goodbye. :)

kay...i'm not doing the grateful thing, cause there is no way i'd remember to blog everyday. but i have to make a little list. right now.
.all the people in my life...and no longer in my life.
homeward, homestake, neighbors, teachers, schoolmates, high school friends, freshman year friends, sophomore year friends, every summer ever friends, junior year friends, work friends, church leaders, every best friend i've had/have, and of course, most of all, my FAMILY.
.the gospel.
i'm so grateful to have the truth in my life, to have guidance through everything i do, to be involved in the church, an organization so awesome and inspired, to know of Christ and His love, and the atonement, and our Heavenly Father, and His plan, and His love....
.an education.
as much of a brat i am about it...i love learning. and i'm very grateful for the opportunity, and for the school i'm able to attend, and for my family in helping me make it here, and stay here. I love BYU, honor code included. :)
.my life.
.music.
.love. (all kinds)
.snow.
.clothes.
.smiles.
.good food.
.funny people.
.computas.
.cell phones.
.shoes.
.sports. (like futbol and snooowboarding...)
.soap.
.showers.
.the postal service. (like, the real one. but i love ben gibbard too.)
.having a roof over my head.
.living in a democratic, capitalistic, mostly open-minded nation.
.being able to see, smell, speak, hear, taste, and touch.
.growing up in cute kaysville.
.the fact we can all say sorry.
.forgiveness.
.humility.
.marriage.
.the innocence of children.
.the incredible power of laughter.
.my momma and dad.
.pokemon. (if you were born between '88 and '92, IT WAS COOL.)

also...i just discovered this. and i love the way his sweet voice captures the song in such a different way than dear glen hansard...

but where exactly is it?

exactly what i've been thinking on lately, pretty much. good thing i've become re-obsessed con este canción.

bicycling on every wednesday evening...

i...really don't. i don't even know if i ever have. it's mostly been done every other day of the week, i think. haha.
anyway.

yesterday was our last real 236th summer semester ward activity. and guess what.
i was sad.

(i am aware, pretty much everything provokes some great emotion from me, which could mean you judge me to be dramatic...but if that bothers you, you should probably have stopped reading my blog by now. like, NOW. or i'm going to accidentally give you an ulcer, and i don't want that.)

I say to rachel (ratch), all the time, when I get upset about something "I wish I just didn't CARE." One time, she firmly, but kindly, said, "Missy, no you don't." And she's right, and I can't ever forget that. I'm never going to be good at saying goodbyes, but that's okay. If I'm ever in a state of not-missing-someone, either the second coming has occurred, or my heart has turned to stone. So. It's okay.
Also. I've felt a pretty constant feeling--especially since i started college--of frustration...that I'm always missing out on something. There's always somewhere else I could be, someone else I could be with, something else I could be doing. But, oh well. We have to make choices constantly in life, and as long as i don't repeatedly choose to sit home and do nothing, I'm going to have to be happy with whatever I'm doing.

SO. Since I've realized that I'm NEVER going to be able to do EVERYTHING that I wish I could, or I think I should, I should just chill out and be grateful for the things I HAVE done.

Sooooo.
thank you, my darling summer friends, (and eternal family) for helping me (since the beginning of May):
.live in the cutest, happiest, greatest ghetto apt EVER for four months with three of the BEST roomates,
.swwwwim,
.camp,
.have nice talks about everything i could possibly desire,
.be involved in the BEST ward with the BEST calling ever,
.make new friends,
.make better friends,
.read,
.enjoy otter pops and popsicles and snow cones and ice cream and un-cal-fro-yo and MOCHI,
.discover/experience lots of GREAT music,
.watch some old and new WONDERFUL films,
.try loooots of great cuisine,
.trust and be trusted,
.write happy letters,
.take happy photos,
.have fun at family gatherings,
.play at amusement parks,
.ride all over south provo on darling bicycles,
.browse the city biblioteca,
.enjoy porch sitting on summer afternoons and evenings and nights,
.shhhop,
.read lots of informative and some pointless magazine articles,
.attain more freckles and lightened hair from spending time in the ssssun,
.have bonfires. every time i remotely desired one,
.play at that freezing beautiful lake down the road,
.travel down that freezing beautiful river up the road,
.rrrroadtrip,
.looongboard,
.dance my heart out,
.overcome some secret and severely silly fears,
.play in the ocean,
.love urbanness,
.love suburbanness,
.utilize my sunglasses,
.have fun smelling drugs i'm not doing and sweaty people i don't know/attending excellent concerts,
.wear my favorite attire, over and over and over--tshirt and cutoffs/jeans,
.play with sparklers and fireworks,
.sleep in,
.laugh LOADS,
.get free breakfast,
.talk to important byu visitors and new zealanders,
.watch darling love sparks happen,
.cry for not sorrowful reasons,
.read excellent writing/see beautiful photos on bloooogs,
.LOVE,
.be loved,
.see GREAT things,
.gaze and wonder nightly at the BEAUTIFUL night sky,
.sing lots, with lots of talented guitarists and a couple ukuleleists,
.play a little bit of piano and ukulele and guitar...haha,
.help a little african's feet,
.deal with things i needed/need to,
.play nintendo,
.be creative,
.be artistic,
.express myself,
.watch some GREAT musicals,
.learn more about the gospel, people, the world, politics, government, ....lots of things,
.learn more about (by others' example): sacrifice, real love, selflessness, courage, patience, hard work, persistence, finding jooooy in all things...and so much more,
.experience joy and a special unity watching beautiful SOCCER,
.play soccer, frisbee, ultimate, and kickball,
.see a whole lacrosse game,
.enjoy countless gorgeous sunsets and other beautiful skies,
.learn lots of little slivers of languages,
.hear LOTS of awesome experiences in others' lives, especially about missions,
.and help me learn/remember a little better, who i am.

love you,
missy.

tell me what you know about dreams, dreams.

i'm not even going to go into that except...i do think dreams reflect what we've recently been thinking on, whether it's conscious or not. dreams are NOT random.

like my dream about pirates after i fell asleep after reading peter pan. so not random.
also probably means that i will be a pirate someday.
and fly.

ANYway. i've realized recently, i don't get bored anymore. i don't know why. i guess, if i don't feel content with my present activity, i change it by occupying myself with something else. or someone. but i still stay i'm bored all the time...out of habit i guess.

and i never do "nothing" anymore either. if i look like i'm sitting, doing nothing, without a book or notebook or a puppy or ipod, staring into space...i'm probably so terribly preoccupied with my thoughts that i can't concentrate on any visible activity.

what i'm trying to say...why? am i more easily satisfied? or have a found a way to be happy all the time in my life? (at least for the moment.)

list of things i've done in the last wk that COULD be boring but were WAY happy:
-making a scavenger hunt list while watching two halves of two movies
-playing mini-games on N64 over and over and over with one other person
-watching fiddler on the roof for the eight billionth time in my life
-going apt hunting in the blazing heat
-waiting in line for rides at lagoon with my fam
-lone walks
-talking. just talking. on couches, on a porch, on the grass...just TALK.
-organizing the pickchur wall
-sharing files

...maybe the secret is, to find the joy in the small things, instead of wishing for greater. why do i need to be wishing i was doing crazy things away from here? i'm happy. thankkkks. :)

whyyy do i need anyone else, when i can break the sky myself?

the last few years...or rather, since i can remember...i feel like my life has had a pretty steady pattern. something GREAT happens, then something ELSE that's GREAT then something ELSE til my life is positively golden with all these wonderful happenings and people and places. then when i can't get any higher on this cloud of awesomeness, i crrrrash. and something tests me. and i'm not happy. and i have to try to be. and it's a test. i think it's called...learning humility.

anyway, right now, i keep trying to tell myself i'll stay on this awesome streak til the end of the summer...but i don't even know if that's possible. cause it has been a ridiculously GREAT. month.

some things:

bonnnnfire!!
drrrive in!
sparklerrrrs! (HI!)
wedding! (helping the groom with the cufflinks and...buttonlinks?)
family babies!!
blast to the past!!

deer!

sunsetsss!

hmmmm. :)

it's all around to see, if we try.

"every question, every answer too.
ever constant, ever changing view.
it's a memory in the sun.
or it's all in the darkness.

maybe it's all around to see if we try.
but maybe it's been inside of me all this time.

LOVE (18 times)
ooh.

crazy with it
crazier without
never certain
never full of doubt

now you feel it
now you don't
do you know what you're feelin'?
where did it come from, and where does it go?
if it were right in front of me, would i know?

LOVE (27 times)"

-shiny toy guns

my sister ashbash has been obSESSED with this since i showed it to her.
after, i'd already been obsessed with it...three times.

so you'd think i'd be sick of it by now? no.

becaaaaause i love love. (and shiny toy guns' take on it.) no, i don't love watching cheesy "classic" lovey movies, most of the time, and i don't love reading long novels about people slowly falling in love, (or quickly, and doing "cute" things...no.) all that fictional crap...for the most part, no.

but REAL love. like watching my grandparents, after over fifty years of marriage, make breakfast together. or watching my dad feed his grandbaby a bottle. or watching two people slowly get closer and closer, until they decide to make a marriage. :) haha. or two best friends, laughing at inside jokes, finishing each others sentences, bringing out the best in each other. or watching a mom patiently trying to feed her excited toddlers, after they've thrown half their food on the ground. every kind of love. but probably my favorite this weekend...

when loads of darling spaniards, proud of their team and their country, celebrate by the thousands for winning their first world cup.
NICE WORK. go spain. :)

i'm breakin out this time, making out with the wind!

this...was...the...best weekend EVER. (the beeest daaay eeeeverrrr! holla to rubie and t.hamp, if he were alive)

friday, i worked THIRTEEN AND A HALF HOURS. STRAIGHT. ON MY FEET. (well, except probably like twenty minutes) and it was soooooo fun. thoughts to myself in the dishroom for the first time in the morning at the morris center, then just crazy super fun in the skyroom with most of my favorite employees and a giant wedding luncheon, then a huuuuge beautiful banquet, at which i saw ALL my favorite catering kids....ahhhh. then saw some explosions and nice people at the taj, and checked out freddie's SICK television...that day was LONG. then darling ratch and hanner and i fell asleep to a nice film. (well, i fell asleep. haha.)

sllllllept in saturday, then ran over to see spain defeat paraguay (haHA!) with sclubseven, then ran home and packed (something i truly LOVE doing, unpacking, on the other hand...) and drove a BEAUTIFUL drive to the cabin, played with the fam, welcomed in independence day with....the great film, independence day! (which, if you haven't seen, is truly patriotic, all about americans being the smartest and best and most awesome...hahahhahahha...top notch.)

sunday, PACKED at the oakley ward, GREAT meeting, which i experienced from the foyer, (there were a TON of babies there. and sometimes i think, it's a good idea, if you need to take a walk, to pretend your young child is fussy. cause most those kids seemed pretty content, not really in need of being taken to the hall...haha...) that ward was so LEGIT. i love really down to earth, humble, people. and two hundred visitors. haha. theeeennn patriotic talks over supper, then hours of bananagrams, then catch phrase, then...a dance off with no music..hahahha

this day, monday, slllleeeept in, again, (SO good.) pancakes homemade by gramma, and scrambled eggs [home]made by grampa, then some jurassic park, then a new arrival, then the lake...canoeing and roasting and playing...then another BEAUTIFUL drive through the canyon, then a roomate reunion/darling view of a backporch, THEN how to train a dragon. if you like cute things, see it. cause it was funny, and sweet, with wonderful animation, and jonsi even sings a song at the end, (CALLED that) and it's just really, really, cute.

right now, i feel like i've fallen head over heels in love with this summer, like i'm speeding down a beautiful sunny road with the windows down, and i've got nothing to lose. and free energy is SO the best soundtrack for it. (thank you, tucker boone.)

love love loooove, looove love love....

oookay.

i thought of like eight billion things to write about, like:

i love the weather, the stores, the streets, the coast, the foliage, the homes, the lot of things about CA. and i've concluded i must live here for like a summer. BUT. i will never raise a family here. unless i'm forced to. not here, not utah. sorry.

animal collective is AWESOME to listen to while driving long distances. (but probably don't make the rest of the car try to be open minded and experience it too...if they're your darling family. cause it will most likely not be a positive experience.)

disneyland is super magical. i just hate being stressed about about things, especially on vacation. and disneyland+gibson family=lots of stressed out running around and ocd planning. but we did good this time. lots of magic, and fun, and hilarious line waiting, it was GREAT. (and it was SO worth waiting half hour for peter pan.)

There are a few things people should know, fashionably, that i wanted to tell them to their faces, but my desire for them to experience the magic at disneyland without their self esteem being lower exceeded the former. BUT. i'll tell you a couple:

boys: i am not opposed to tank tops. i think you look adorable. specifically those skater/surfer kinda looser ones, usually involving stripes. BUT. unLESS you are trying to look trashy, NO TIGHT TANKS. you look like an idiot. ew.

girls: leggings are not pants. if you want to wear them with a dress, fine. but a longish shirt or jacket...you are making your bum look huge. not big, huge. cause they are terribly unflattering in that area. you don't look sexy. you look FAT. sorry. put some bottoms on.

the back of a honda pilot is WAY smaller than the back of a suburban. (okay, i wouldn't really blog about that...but if you're considering downsizing...don't do it. ow.)

macgyver is great. just...no more. especially no more in the car. plllleeeeaaase. (okay, also wouldn't blog about that. this is just babbling now. sorry.)

the ocean. playing in it. is SUCH a metaphor to our lives. think about it. floating, being sucked under, coming back to the shore, swimming...think about it.

but. i'm not going to elaborate more on any of those. i'm just going to say, i love:

ashley, marshall, garrett, mama, dad, the beach, sand, the oceaaan, disneyland, peter pan, oscar wilde, warm weather, humidity, huntington, newport, sharky's, cheescake factory, star wars, alice in wonderland, tea cups, cinnamon toast crunch, beirut, sufjan, freckles, ben gibbard, kites, (yes ratch, we flew kites...on the beach.) the world cup, california, the "it's a small world" ride, our cute condo, and psych. which my family is watching right now.

bye!

i know the heart of life is good.

arching. (stolen from ryan. thhhhanks.)

yams.

prescriptions.

adorable.

eighty percent OUT.

sooo this week. i've been freaking out about my future, the immediate, the summer, the fall, the winter, the next few years, my adulthood...everything, hardcore.

"fear is the friend who's misunderstood."

i'm not really sure why. BUT. i had super awesome discussions with super awesome people that helped me realize a lot of things, including the fact that i'm lucky to have some very privileged aquaintances. (like, i'm priveleged to know them.)

"then the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining."

anyway. i've concluded...i need to live in the present. and this is my last summer of childhood, probably. which is okay. i just need to get out of crisis mode. and growing up will come when it comes, and i need to not sit on the edge of my seat and cringe...i can just let it hit me. cause i might get knocked over, but i'll definitely be able to get back up.

two friends helped me reach complete opposite conclusions. but i think my personal conclusion should be somewhere in the middle, which is where i am, so i'm glad for that. love is the most important thing EVER and you should never deprive yourself or anyone else of it. that doesn't necessarily refer to, or not refer to, romantic love. so. think about THAT.

"pain throws your heart to the ground, [but] love turns the whole thing around."

don't even try to deny that.

i'm too tired to write anything else. and it's probably TMI anyway. but guess what.

i will be in CA in 72 hours. ish. YESSSSS.

night.

MAY is bustin' out all overrrr!

sooo. i was thinking. back when i didn't go to college, may was such a great month. it was warmer outside, projects were being finished, school got a little easier, and everyone was in a better mood. :)

wait...already did that...awkward. okay. sooo. what's it supposed to be now?

haha anyway. i'm home right now...and it's just so confusing. i was hungry, and went to the pantry, and was so overwhelmed by the vast amount of food i'd actually like to eat...i ended up eating nachos, with premade sauce. healthAY missy, good job. anyway. i was playing with my padre's sd card to find a picture of baby mckay and landed on these treasures:

the easter bunny TOTALLY still visits this fam. hahha. (kyle and i searching)

and tiff was insistant that pregnant ladies are fully capable of hunting...(she was serious, she got like twice as many as me. though, i did get less than EVERYone...i'm not aggressive enough. haha.)

post hunting...(check out marshall's egg-hunting gear, please)

just kinda cute. and epic. (yo, mi mama, mi abuela, y mi hermano hiking in Zion's in Feb.)
my dad is a super winner at capturing great moments on camera. (also hiking in Zion's in Feb.)

sooooo...this week, our family expanded. here's mckay dale blanch in his daddy's arms:

nine pounds four ounces. big baby. :)

my family is great. and hilarious. i stole these all from my padre.

go family.

in the morning through the window shade

i love my family. and st. george. and how beautiful it is. and kinda byu.
but i think i'm always the most aware of what i love when it's not in front of me.
like some missionaries, and children attending other schools, and things.
and definitely some darling friends that i haven't had to do without for awhile.
i love loving, also.
i love you.