twenty eleven.

twenty ten was good to me.



january-started working at the skyroom and made WONDERFUL friendies, started taking classes i actually enjoy and LOVED them, decided to stop being antisocial in the ward and was immediatly enveloped in loving, darling arms.


february-had some serious adventures (everything from the best of dance parties to three day trips to the coast), made some serious friends, and decided to open my heart for the first time in awhile.


march-continued adventuring, decided to put school and sleep to the back burner...haha. loved and learned a lot.


april-left my teenage self behind forever, barely made it through finals, and made the second best decision of the year: to stay in provo for the summer. also learned, strengthened important older and newer friendships. became an AUNT.


may-began the summer of FREEDOM and AWESOMENESS. started being social...er, in the ward, and adventured more (including nice little visit to the red rocks of moab). oh, and became a mother, which triggered more excellent best friendships.


june-i found the warmth i'd been looking for since february, and loosened up, working three jobs within a job, broke some bad habits, relaxed, plaaaayed, and visited mickey and the ocean with the famdam.


july-by now, i'd discovered provo was exploding with excellence, from the people to the books to the weather to the sidewalks. celebrated our country's bombness with the fammer in the mountains. broke free again.


august-sipped constantly from the sweetness of relaxation and summer, simultaneously started exploding with anticipation of everything(missionaries coming and going, schooool, friends back in provo, etc.), crammed in more fun than was legal, i'm sure.


september-started school with my head on straight, with a perfect schedule. celebrated two beloved birthdays, and gushed with joy in reunions...still insisted it was summer in every spare moment, and provo weather agreed with me. decided to go for sure.


october-delved deeper into classes, fell in love again with a darling ward and adorable roommates, had some final trio adventures for a few years, established the best dinner club in the history of mankind, made more bests, loved living in ptown with four siblings and a nephew.


november-sent off ANOTHER best, but it was happy this time, with my final realization that their leaving me to serve a mission is SO much more important. period. crammed in more provo fun, loved bests and famdam, thanked and ate turkey.


december-began to panic that this beautiful phase was ending soon, and schooled, played, and loved it up. celebrated the birth of Christ, reflected on the best year ever, and how i'm going to make every year after this equally bomb. the end.

horsemessersmithtraceguthrie...

one of my gifts today was an itunes gift card. last year, i got 30$ worth, and i still ended up spending some of my money. i love getting a few songs from lots of bands, tasting lots of things, savoring, exploring...i love it. a lot. more than food and clothes and movies and other worldly things. music is by far my favorite.

but i just got on to redeem it and...everything sounds the same. i like it, but i don't really care. i'm not dying to buy/find/get every album, to blast it/plug in my headphones/show someone.

i don't care.

i don't even remember the last time i felt indifferent to music. i think it's because it's never happened. i can always find something to satisfy my craving. because yes, it's an addiction.

it's a blessing. it's a shock, but a blessing. happy christmas.

If there's anything to say, if there's anything to do...

...if there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

i love that song, so much. and i love the way it makes me feel. i love the way my heart aches for people and things i miss, happy experiences i've had, things i hope to happen in the future.

but i don't love the way my heart aches over hateful things i couldn't/can't change. it feels like a rotten nasty lump in me that might shrink, or be ignored, but feels like it'll never disappear. fun reminder of that today. oh well. anyway.

christmas is the BEST. and since finals have existed, i always leave my shopping til the very last second, which proves to be difficult when i still insist on the most BOMB presents for my famfam, who are da best.

but it always works out. and it's always the most wonderful feeling to see their happy surprised faces.

YAY CHRITHMATH!
let's go watch the grinch.

it's only change, and i'm only changing...

i've heard it a million times, and so have you:

yeah, i hated that area, but by the time i was transferred, i was so sad, cause i'd grown to love it.

i thought she was so obnoxious, but then we had to work together, and we got really close, by the time the class was over, i was sad i didn't see her anymore.

i had to work with him everyday, and at first he drove me crazy, but i grew to like him by the end, and i missed him after i left.

et cetera.

you start out in a situation, and it's hard. it's unhappy, you don't know what to do with yourself, you want everything to be "just like it used to be". you acknowledge that it won't, then you go to work. and it's difficult, but you see a change that grows and grows until suddenly, the situation you've been complaining about is now creating most of the happiness in your life.

by the time we're comfortable, we have to move on, so we can grow some more.

i finally am comfortable in provo. i don't just have friends, or fun, but it's my home. last night i had my last (maybe? probably.) sunday chat with ...probably my best non-gibson friend in provo... and it was surreal. we talked about the way we became friends, which is kinda crazy. lots of things happened that put us in the right place at the right time...and not all happy things. mostly not happy things, actually. but we both chose to make the best of things, and now, he's truly and honestly like the big brother i've never had. but of course, because we're only pseudo-siblings, we have to say goodbye now, and i don't know where we're both going to be in two years. but that's okay. we're leaving each other better, and i will never forget our friendship.

i'm going to miss my big brother, my best friends, my ward family, byu, provo, and living in the same city with four of my real siblings, but. i'm so excited for this next step.


goodbye provo, hello kaysville.


oh and p.s....it's almost christmas. be excited. :)
(official christmas tree of allred twelve, thanks going to my dear miss cassandra.)

didn't i, my dear?

i mostly dislike parties, and most other large social gatherings. the overwhelming thought that there are so many people i don't know, that i should, or could, i think is what bothers me so much. i love making new friends (who doesn't?) but after being drowned in introductions for a couple weeks (like...the last two weeks, for example) i start to get overwhelmed, like i might at a party. and i want to give up.

occasionally, my solution for this, is to let people come to me. to not be even remotely friendly or outgoing, until they pretty much offer me a friendship on a platter. which is terribly terribly rude. and when i look back at the times in my life that i did that, versus when i went out of my way to make new friends with anyone and everyone...the latter was and still is ALways more rewarding.

So. I have a challenge. (That I myself will be trying very hard to fulfill as well, of course.) Let's go out of our comfort zones. Until Christmas, don't ever let yourself hide in a comfortable shell of a friend group every day. Be nice, befriendly, be warm. At school, at home, at work, in the grocery store, at church, on the street, EVERYWHERE. Maybe you won't make loads of friends, maybe you will. But won't it be nice to know, come the 25th, that you helped others feel that same love your Heavenly Father has for you, which is why He blessed you with such great friends? Or maybe you don't have a comfortable group of friends. Maybe you're feeling lonely right now. Even better, don't make them come to you, go FIND all these new friends! :)