why can't you see yourself as beautiful as i see you?

I want to say that to everyone. Because you are ALL so beautiful.
also:

"The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people." -Elizabeth Gilbert, eat pray love

I haven't seen the film, I'm just reading the book right now. And I love it.
I want to say I'd recommend it to everyone, but I don't. It was perfect for me, to help me realize how I think, how I live my life, and how I used to, and won't anymore. Everything from her adoration of the Italian language and food, to her habit of clinging to people she loves helped me dive into this book, nodding my head with perfect understanding at everything she said. Granted, I haven't been divorced, or traveled across the world, or lived on the upper east coast, but I could definitely relate. Okay I'm getting sidetracked. I'm just saying, it was a great book for me, but it has some language, and it does go on a bit about the depression. If you can't/don't want to handle that, then don't read it. :)

MY POINT: It's not about being the most accomplished or loved, the wealthiest or the smartest, the most attractive, or the most talented. LIFE is about bringing your own happiness to you in everything you do, finding peace in your storm of a life ("we're just a million little gods causin' rainstorms, turning every good thing to rust!" -af :)) and making good choices, and then you can fulfill your purpose, to live this life the best that you can, and help your brothers and sisters on the way. Of course, this is much easier for me to embrace than to practice, (especially when Little Brother starts his second hour of "America's Funniest Home Videos" and turns it up louder...) but I think I've at least gotten to a point of contentment, that I know my happiness depends on me, and no one else. And our Heavenly Father can ALWAYS help me find it, no matter how hard it is.

All I can listen to lately is the dear Avett brothers. (Partly because they're so mild...I can't listen to anything very loud these days, haha, which is so weird, but SUCH a blessing in preparation.) Their lyrics are so sincere and simple and happy, even the saddest songs have a deep understanding that there's a much greater purpose in all of this. I love them. I want to see them before I die, definitely.

I can't wait to be "swept away" by "a [boy] that I adore", but I have lots to do before then. So. There's that. And no, I don't have my call yet. I don't know why, (I mean, technically, yes, I know why, if you really want to know, I'll tell you...) but I'm okay with it. Really. Maybe now me and Marsh will get them together, which would be AWESOME. The best answer sometimes is: just don't worry about it. So I'm not worrying about it. And I'll tell you when it comes, kay? Kay.
LOVE. bye.

i'm building a sill...

to slooooow down the time.
shut up, ted.

today was grEAT.

i got to listen to HOURS of bright eyes and woodsy things, listening totally and completely, without feeling guilty.
i got to experience the feeling of having a job that pays more than minimum wage, AND i wasn't stressing about wrong orders/food running out/something burning!
i had delightful lunch with delightful people.
there was snow.
the season finale of psych scared me. (i don't know if that's a good thing for me, but i suppose it was properly executed, which is great for them.)
i wore my red cardigan.
no one gave me grief about wearing my hair up.
no one made fun of me for going to BYU. i was definitely in Ute territory, and at least three people said things like "how nice" and "good for you" in sincerity.
i passed the drug test.

two things i did not like that i must mention:
i had to pee into a cup.
i viewed some "america's funniest home videos".

i'm not going to lie, i'm purposely blogging a lot.

but really, i felt like time was slowed down today. i didn't waste any time, which felt great, i was super sleepy, so things felt kinda surreal, and i just slowly savored my day. that's the best way to say goodbye, i think. :)