dear p-vo, and its inhabitants:

hot-tubbing @ sparkle apple + canyon bonfiring + pvo temple + soda + fresh rms + sisters + nephew baby + voodoo salad + carpooling + 236 + breadsticks + mission talk +new friends + old friends =


thanks. that was great. times seven. kbye.

twenty eleven.

twenty ten was good to me.



january-started working at the skyroom and made WONDERFUL friendies, started taking classes i actually enjoy and LOVED them, decided to stop being antisocial in the ward and was immediatly enveloped in loving, darling arms.


february-had some serious adventures (everything from the best of dance parties to three day trips to the coast), made some serious friends, and decided to open my heart for the first time in awhile.


march-continued adventuring, decided to put school and sleep to the back burner...haha. loved and learned a lot.


april-left my teenage self behind forever, barely made it through finals, and made the second best decision of the year: to stay in provo for the summer. also learned, strengthened important older and newer friendships. became an AUNT.


may-began the summer of FREEDOM and AWESOMENESS. started being social...er, in the ward, and adventured more (including nice little visit to the red rocks of moab). oh, and became a mother, which triggered more excellent best friendships.


june-i found the warmth i'd been looking for since february, and loosened up, working three jobs within a job, broke some bad habits, relaxed, plaaaayed, and visited mickey and the ocean with the famdam.


july-by now, i'd discovered provo was exploding with excellence, from the people to the books to the weather to the sidewalks. celebrated our country's bombness with the fammer in the mountains. broke free again.


august-sipped constantly from the sweetness of relaxation and summer, simultaneously started exploding with anticipation of everything(missionaries coming and going, schooool, friends back in provo, etc.), crammed in more fun than was legal, i'm sure.


september-started school with my head on straight, with a perfect schedule. celebrated two beloved birthdays, and gushed with joy in reunions...still insisted it was summer in every spare moment, and provo weather agreed with me. decided to go for sure.


october-delved deeper into classes, fell in love again with a darling ward and adorable roommates, had some final trio adventures for a few years, established the best dinner club in the history of mankind, made more bests, loved living in ptown with four siblings and a nephew.


november-sent off ANOTHER best, but it was happy this time, with my final realization that their leaving me to serve a mission is SO much more important. period. crammed in more provo fun, loved bests and famdam, thanked and ate turkey.


december-began to panic that this beautiful phase was ending soon, and schooled, played, and loved it up. celebrated the birth of Christ, reflected on the best year ever, and how i'm going to make every year after this equally bomb. the end.

it's only change, and i'm only changing...

i've heard it a million times, and so have you:

yeah, i hated that area, but by the time i was transferred, i was so sad, cause i'd grown to love it.

i thought she was so obnoxious, but then we had to work together, and we got really close, by the time the class was over, i was sad i didn't see her anymore.

i had to work with him everyday, and at first he drove me crazy, but i grew to like him by the end, and i missed him after i left.

et cetera.

you start out in a situation, and it's hard. it's unhappy, you don't know what to do with yourself, you want everything to be "just like it used to be". you acknowledge that it won't, then you go to work. and it's difficult, but you see a change that grows and grows until suddenly, the situation you've been complaining about is now creating most of the happiness in your life.

by the time we're comfortable, we have to move on, so we can grow some more.

i finally am comfortable in provo. i don't just have friends, or fun, but it's my home. last night i had my last (maybe? probably.) sunday chat with ...probably my best non-gibson friend in provo... and it was surreal. we talked about the way we became friends, which is kinda crazy. lots of things happened that put us in the right place at the right time...and not all happy things. mostly not happy things, actually. but we both chose to make the best of things, and now, he's truly and honestly like the big brother i've never had. but of course, because we're only pseudo-siblings, we have to say goodbye now, and i don't know where we're both going to be in two years. but that's okay. we're leaving each other better, and i will never forget our friendship.

i'm going to miss my big brother, my best friends, my ward family, byu, provo, and living in the same city with four of my real siblings, but. i'm so excited for this next step.


goodbye provo, hello kaysville.


oh and p.s....it's almost christmas. be excited. :)
(official christmas tree of allred twelve, thanks going to my dear miss cassandra.)

what's this?

confession:
i no longer look forward to halloween. actually, i dread it.
because i'll have tons of beautiful, hilarious, individual, and group costume ideas that are GENIUS, and none. will work out.like tonight, i think i'm going to be yellow. (we're being the visible colors of the spectrum. ha.)

HM.


i've decided i'll just have to use my children for my wonderful ideas. like:


etc.

whatever.

summersummersummer tiiiiiiiiiime.

holler.
i've been craving sum blogging all week.
"I just have a lot of feelings..."
hahahahha.

but. thanks to miss broog, this is all i can think about right now:


i. love. will smith.
there's that.

but i do have one thing to say. it's been on my mind a lot lately.

one thing i've learned, in my life, and especially over the last year, is that it is SO important to be yourself. and your BEST self. and if the people you spend time with keep you from being that BESTEST self, and you keep them from being their BESTEST self, you need to quit. spending lots, or maybe any, time with them.
simply.
well, not simply. at all. because there's probably a really good reason you're spending time with these people that aren't bringing out quite the best in you, or you in them.
liiiike:
you love them
they love you
you don't know who else to spend time with
they're good looking
you live together
you work together
etc.
BUT.
we're trying to fulfill our eternal purpose, right? so if we keep tripping over each other, it's difficult to see that far ahead.
SO.
perhaps, "sometimes the hardest thing, and the right thing, are the same".
AND.
isn't it great, when we find people who DO bring out the best in us? and we bring out the best in them? :)

THEREFORE.
have a great weekend. and probably you should check this out:
why i'm happy.

uncertain sideways streets, where things that don't match meet!

school starts ONE WEEK FROM TODAY.
and i'm SUPA excited. honestly. partly for school, but mostly cause all the new PEOPLE. at work, in classes, in the ward...i haven't even met my roommates yet. any of them.

i'm also RIDICULOUSLY excited for people to return to provo...some have been at home, some have been across the country worrrrking, some have just been visiting nice people and places since last week...but i am READY to have you all BACK.

:)

this is my last week at the skyroom, and of course it's without dee. lame. oh well. i will miss my dear dee (of course), porterrockwell, embly, jamie, and sam. well, mostly everyone. mostly. haha.

no matter what's happened in my life, how stupid or clever i've been, if i can look back a few months and say to myself "you know WHAT, you learned a lot. good job. keep going. you can do even better. and you did better than before." then i'm good.

i'm good.
come ooonnnnn september! i'm ready.

p.s.... awhile ago, i started a new phase, and began it with a picture of a sunrise. i think that phase is over. which is okay and great. but. just to show how much i love my DEE and to signify the termination:

bicycling on every wednesday evening...

i...really don't. i don't even know if i ever have. it's mostly been done every other day of the week, i think. haha.
anyway.

yesterday was our last real 236th summer semester ward activity. and guess what.
i was sad.

(i am aware, pretty much everything provokes some great emotion from me, which could mean you judge me to be dramatic...but if that bothers you, you should probably have stopped reading my blog by now. like, NOW. or i'm going to accidentally give you an ulcer, and i don't want that.)

I say to rachel (ratch), all the time, when I get upset about something "I wish I just didn't CARE." One time, she firmly, but kindly, said, "Missy, no you don't." And she's right, and I can't ever forget that. I'm never going to be good at saying goodbyes, but that's okay. If I'm ever in a state of not-missing-someone, either the second coming has occurred, or my heart has turned to stone. So. It's okay.
Also. I've felt a pretty constant feeling--especially since i started college--of frustration...that I'm always missing out on something. There's always somewhere else I could be, someone else I could be with, something else I could be doing. But, oh well. We have to make choices constantly in life, and as long as i don't repeatedly choose to sit home and do nothing, I'm going to have to be happy with whatever I'm doing.

SO. Since I've realized that I'm NEVER going to be able to do EVERYTHING that I wish I could, or I think I should, I should just chill out and be grateful for the things I HAVE done.

Sooooo.
thank you, my darling summer friends, (and eternal family) for helping me (since the beginning of May):
.live in the cutest, happiest, greatest ghetto apt EVER for four months with three of the BEST roomates,
.swwwwim,
.camp,
.have nice talks about everything i could possibly desire,
.be involved in the BEST ward with the BEST calling ever,
.make new friends,
.make better friends,
.read,
.enjoy otter pops and popsicles and snow cones and ice cream and un-cal-fro-yo and MOCHI,
.discover/experience lots of GREAT music,
.watch some old and new WONDERFUL films,
.try loooots of great cuisine,
.trust and be trusted,
.write happy letters,
.take happy photos,
.have fun at family gatherings,
.play at amusement parks,
.ride all over south provo on darling bicycles,
.browse the city biblioteca,
.enjoy porch sitting on summer afternoons and evenings and nights,
.shhhop,
.read lots of informative and some pointless magazine articles,
.attain more freckles and lightened hair from spending time in the ssssun,
.have bonfires. every time i remotely desired one,
.play at that freezing beautiful lake down the road,
.travel down that freezing beautiful river up the road,
.rrrroadtrip,
.looongboard,
.dance my heart out,
.overcome some secret and severely silly fears,
.play in the ocean,
.love urbanness,
.love suburbanness,
.utilize my sunglasses,
.have fun smelling drugs i'm not doing and sweaty people i don't know/attending excellent concerts,
.wear my favorite attire, over and over and over--tshirt and cutoffs/jeans,
.play with sparklers and fireworks,
.sleep in,
.laugh LOADS,
.get free breakfast,
.talk to important byu visitors and new zealanders,
.watch darling love sparks happen,
.cry for not sorrowful reasons,
.read excellent writing/see beautiful photos on bloooogs,
.LOVE,
.be loved,
.see GREAT things,
.gaze and wonder nightly at the BEAUTIFUL night sky,
.sing lots, with lots of talented guitarists and a couple ukuleleists,
.play a little bit of piano and ukulele and guitar...haha,
.help a little african's feet,
.deal with things i needed/need to,
.play nintendo,
.be creative,
.be artistic,
.express myself,
.watch some GREAT musicals,
.learn more about the gospel, people, the world, politics, government, ....lots of things,
.learn more about (by others' example): sacrifice, real love, selflessness, courage, patience, hard work, persistence, finding jooooy in all things...and so much more,
.experience joy and a special unity watching beautiful SOCCER,
.play soccer, frisbee, ultimate, and kickball,
.see a whole lacrosse game,
.enjoy countless gorgeous sunsets and other beautiful skies,
.learn lots of little slivers of languages,
.hear LOTS of awesome experiences in others' lives, especially about missions,
.and help me learn/remember a little better, who i am.

love you,
missy.

i'm breakin out this time, making out with the wind!

this...was...the...best weekend EVER. (the beeest daaay eeeeverrrr! holla to rubie and t.hamp, if he were alive)

friday, i worked THIRTEEN AND A HALF HOURS. STRAIGHT. ON MY FEET. (well, except probably like twenty minutes) and it was soooooo fun. thoughts to myself in the dishroom for the first time in the morning at the morris center, then just crazy super fun in the skyroom with most of my favorite employees and a giant wedding luncheon, then a huuuuge beautiful banquet, at which i saw ALL my favorite catering kids....ahhhh. then saw some explosions and nice people at the taj, and checked out freddie's SICK television...that day was LONG. then darling ratch and hanner and i fell asleep to a nice film. (well, i fell asleep. haha.)

sllllllept in saturday, then ran over to see spain defeat paraguay (haHA!) with sclubseven, then ran home and packed (something i truly LOVE doing, unpacking, on the other hand...) and drove a BEAUTIFUL drive to the cabin, played with the fam, welcomed in independence day with....the great film, independence day! (which, if you haven't seen, is truly patriotic, all about americans being the smartest and best and most awesome...hahahhahahha...top notch.)

sunday, PACKED at the oakley ward, GREAT meeting, which i experienced from the foyer, (there were a TON of babies there. and sometimes i think, it's a good idea, if you need to take a walk, to pretend your young child is fussy. cause most those kids seemed pretty content, not really in need of being taken to the hall...haha...) that ward was so LEGIT. i love really down to earth, humble, people. and two hundred visitors. haha. theeeennn patriotic talks over supper, then hours of bananagrams, then catch phrase, then...a dance off with no music..hahahha

this day, monday, slllleeeept in, again, (SO good.) pancakes homemade by gramma, and scrambled eggs [home]made by grampa, then some jurassic park, then a new arrival, then the lake...canoeing and roasting and playing...then another BEAUTIFUL drive through the canyon, then a roomate reunion/darling view of a backporch, THEN how to train a dragon. if you like cute things, see it. cause it was funny, and sweet, with wonderful animation, and jonsi even sings a song at the end, (CALLED that) and it's just really, really, cute.

right now, i feel like i've fallen head over heels in love with this summer, like i'm speeding down a beautiful sunny road with the windows down, and i've got nothing to lose. and free energy is SO the best soundtrack for it. (thank you, tucker boone.)

on this, the last day of june.

tomorrow is officially the first day of the second half of [my] summer. in some ways, i knew exactly what this summer would be like. but then...i really am taken by surprise every day.

like.

i knew i'd be in the skyroom, probably. but i didn't know, until right before summer, it would be with dear dee dee. and porterrockwell, and janelle, kenna, jamie, adri, sam, and van. i didn't think it would be one of the best parts of the summer, honestly. it's so fun. and soooo hilarious. everyday. emily's psycho cannoncenter rubberband thief, the fish oil lemonade, the crush of a piano player, the foreigners at the carving station...every day is great. and feels a bit like a sitcom. haha. she might kill me, but here is my cohort through it all:

then, my awwwesome calling. i love. being fhe mom. and i love pretending we're a real family. our ward this summer has been GREAT about having super fun activies for fhe, and super high attendence. every week is a new little adventure. last week we went boating, which was ridiculously fun, it was the whole ward, and there's never any cliqueiness or unfriendliness, it's just super fun, and everyone's included.

this is me being a mother and one of my sons, PT, on the way back:

this week, we combined with uncle curtis and aunt whitney, and nick's family, a second cousin from another stake, and played water balloon vollleyball, which progressed into a water balloon fight, which progressed into a game of real volleyball. (our fhe activies are frequently way longer than planned, a result of all the wardly/familial love, which is great, haha) curtis, SPE, freddie, ry and i spent several hours filling them up, which honestly was just as much fun as the activity.

here's uncle curtis, looking good in spectacles:

i love the people in my summer of 2010.

last night while we were running around.

i KNOW i overuse the word cute. and i KNOW it's confusing. because, yes, i have a far more broad definition for the word than most people.

BUT.

efy kids are SOOO CUUUTE. i don't know why they bug people. they're so adorable, terrified of everything, trying so hard to act cool...pretty much all of them failing....ahhhh i love that aaaaaage. they're going through such a CRAZY time in their lives...figuring out who they are...actually...i guess college is the same thing. just scarier. hahha. anyway.

i love beirut. i can't remember ever loving every single song a band's ever written. like yeah...coldplay is incredible, i'll listen everything by them, and IIII think jason mraz's voice is beautiful enough that i'd listen to anything he sings...but i think that's more because i'm in love with the IDEA of the artist, and the fact that it's THEIR song, than the song itself.

but beirut...i just love. everything. today's song: (transatlantique, on elephant gun)

it makes my heart sssssing. i don't know any other way to describe it.

...i'm still not sure the point of this post....sorry.
haha.

oh p.s. there TOTALLY was a man that died at utah lake last week, his boat capsized, i believe on that super windy day.
WEAR A LIFE[VEST].
not that i regret going, either time, thank you ty and the best ward EVER.

p.p.s. i love the skyroom. and...when missionaries get to the point that they care more about working hard than letters. :)

i know the heart of life is good.

arching. (stolen from ryan. thhhhanks.)

yams.

prescriptions.

adorable.

eighty percent OUT.

sooo this week. i've been freaking out about my future, the immediate, the summer, the fall, the winter, the next few years, my adulthood...everything, hardcore.

"fear is the friend who's misunderstood."

i'm not really sure why. BUT. i had super awesome discussions with super awesome people that helped me realize a lot of things, including the fact that i'm lucky to have some very privileged aquaintances. (like, i'm priveleged to know them.)

"then the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining."

anyway. i've concluded...i need to live in the present. and this is my last summer of childhood, probably. which is okay. i just need to get out of crisis mode. and growing up will come when it comes, and i need to not sit on the edge of my seat and cringe...i can just let it hit me. cause i might get knocked over, but i'll definitely be able to get back up.

two friends helped me reach complete opposite conclusions. but i think my personal conclusion should be somewhere in the middle, which is where i am, so i'm glad for that. love is the most important thing EVER and you should never deprive yourself or anyone else of it. that doesn't necessarily refer to, or not refer to, romantic love. so. think about THAT.

"pain throws your heart to the ground, [but] love turns the whole thing around."

don't even try to deny that.

i'm too tired to write anything else. and it's probably TMI anyway. but guess what.

i will be in CA in 72 hours. ish. YESSSSS.

night.

five [hundred] percent pleasure.

i was talking with a nice young man last night, watching a group of enthusiastic twenty-somethings playing four square, very... enthusiastically. we laughed about this cute little world we're living in, and how we've really got to enjoy every second of it, while it lasts. cause really...college is way too fun.

some things, a-j:
a. we can go back to sunny beautiful moab...now. if you guys want.
b. it is very possible to get sick of BYU brownies.
c. reason number 40,276 i love efy: sometimes they have leftover whatever-awesomeness placed in the third floor kitchen right when i get off.
d. provo town center is probably better than university mall. but i still hate those bridges.
e. i love living with these gingers.
f. starting now, i am one-fourth mexican.
g. troll 2 is indeed the worst film, ever.
h. i love banksy.
i. there are 4 d-words.
j. one week from tomorrow...california, here we COME.

papa, papaRAZZI.