Friday, September 24, 2010

the goverment is lying....

i just did this little listy thingy on effbook, in which each participant must pick twenty of the most influential albums in their life.

i think, my distrust of authority and especially the government, leads back to my adoration of box car racer back in 7th grade.
cool beans.

jk. it really was interesting though, you should probably try it.

anyway. guess WHAT. i can BREATHE now(kinda). nothing makes me appreciate oxygen more than the lack of it. last ...thursday? evening, i started feeling a little ill. I assumed it was just because I was lacking in sleep--I'm really good at that, lacking in it, I mean--and didn't worry about it. Then the next day, was a GREAT birthday celebration, and my infirmity became a reality. But I didn't have any time for it. We went on a mountain drive, had a darling picnic, then a beautiful italian surprise dinner party, then a dance party, then a bike ride, then a movie, then a little sleep, then another mountain drive, then a walk down university avenue, then costa vida, then another walk, then a friendy chat, (in the middle of all of this, ratch got sick too, haha) then a little sleep, then church and meeting and meeting, then movie, then fireside, then dindin, ward prayer, a little sleep, class, work, dinner club, fhe, thennn....anyway, since rachie got here last wednesday, i've been having a ridiculous amount of fun, but i was sick during most of it.

WHICH. made me appreciate. good health. all i had was a cough and a stuffy head. and it was difficult to think, to talk, to eat, to sleep, to play, to move for very long, to stay awake, to learn...it was pathetic. i can't even imagine what it would be like to have a real limitation...like paralysis in my lower body. or no sight. or an auto immune disease.

i am grateful, for my healthy body. (disclaimer: i'm still a little sick. so don't expect my voice to sound cute. althoooough i'm pretty positive i'm no longer contagious, jon michael. holler. :) )

aren't we cute? (gracias por la foto, rrrubie.) i also, am grateful for best friendies.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

some letters

dear [you]
I love your mustache. you look GREAT today. [too bad it would be weird/uncomfortable/awkward if i said that to your face. for now.] (or maybe ever.)

love,
me.

dear[you]
you are a [skank], and you are the reason i hate the internet [this week]. yes, that's right.
you [stink].

dislike,
me.

dear [you],
thank you, for [helping me to see the humor in reminiscing on awful memories].

irritated,
me.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

ugh.

i made it. i won't lie, i was feeling a gross amount of anxiey lots of the evening [because i hate parties involving periods of time without dancing and or organized and fun games] (once we got to the [party], i was happy at the [activities preceding the party].) and in turn had to run down to dance it out a few times, (approx.....7) but. it was fun. it was. there was a BUTTload of people. and i made like ten new friends. most of whom i don't remember. haha.

anyway. i'm exhausted. and there were some slightly awkward moments that could've been prevented if i wasn't a pointer...
work on that.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

didn't i, my dear?

i mostly dislike parties, and most other large social gatherings. the overwhelming thought that there are so many people i don't know, that i should, or could, i think is what bothers me so much. i love making new friends (who doesn't?) but after being drowned in introductions for a couple weeks (like...the last two weeks, for example) i start to get overwhelmed, like i might at a party. and i want to give up.

occasionally, my solution for this, is to let people come to me. to not be even remotely friendly or outgoing, until they pretty much offer me a friendship on a platter. which is terribly terribly rude. and when i look back at the times in my life that i did that, versus when i went out of my way to make new friends with anyone and everyone...the latter was and still is ALways more rewarding.

So. I have a challenge. (That I myself will be trying very hard to fulfill as well, of course.) Let's go out of our comfort zones. Until Christmas, don't ever let yourself hide in a comfortable shell of a friend group every day. Be nice, befriendly, be warm. At school, at home, at work, in the grocery store, at church, on the street, EVERYWHERE. Maybe you won't make loads of friends, maybe you will. But won't it be nice to know, come the 25th, that you helped others feel that same love your Heavenly Father has for you, which is why He blessed you with such great friends? Or maybe you don't have a comfortable group of friends. Maybe you're feeling lonely right now. Even better, don't make them come to you, go FIND all these new friends! :)

something:

sometimes i really loathe [some thoughts and ideas of students that attend] byu.

because the honor code? nah, it's not that big of a deal. and really, if i obey it, i sleep better, and privacy and modesty are respected.

the weather? nah, i've lived here my whole life, not until these whiny so-californians (not that i don't love southern californians, cause i do, but...you know you are babies in the cold. smiley face.) came into my life did it even occur to me that i could live somewhere without freezing winters.

the incredible thick bubble? no, again, i'm not planning on staying here, and it's kind of a cute preparation ground for real life.

the obsession with getting married? again, no. hahah sometimes i think if they didn't push it so hard, some kids might just date for the rest of their lives. whudev.

"what then, missy?" you may ask. "aren't these the things most people, including you, harp on, about the problems with living in provo?"

yeah but...the real problem. and it's not because we're all mostly mormon. it's not. it's because the type of school we go to. a lot of kids here could be going to a [better,] different school, but they want to be around good [mormon] kids, so they come here. sooo. huuuuuge range of intelligence. and motivation. and everything. soooo. because a lot of kids here are so obsessed with being good students, they kinda mix it up with being a good person. therefore, some certain people that attend this school, who i used to be very close to, literally made me feel like a bad person for not knowing things i supposedly should, whether it had to do with the english major, or knowledge in general. and you know what? [awhile ago] i was chatting with some very sweet, intelligent boys, one of whom is graduated, and the other is one semester away. and guess what.

they had no idea who harold bloom is.

whhhhaat!

oh wait. maybe, it DOESN'T MATTER. maybe the point of our educations in school, and the point of our agency, is to pursue what we want to learn, and how we we learn it, and when...and everything. so the fact that they didn't know? WHO CARES.

so maybe, next time you think it'll be funny to belittle someone to make yourself feel more intelligent...just shut up.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

but you and i now, we can be alright, just hold on to what we know is true.


i once described "underground" music to someone by comparing it to a big beautiful abyss; the deeper you get, the more you hear and love and accept and enjoy, the more you discover you must listen to.

it never ends.

i love/hate it.

a few more months...

also. this life is supa great. but really. there are lots of hard things, coming from everywhere. but if we can just keep our heads up, for every difficulty and sorrow, there is an equally, or more, powerful moment of euphoria. sometimes the bad things are easier to see(often they last longer...or at least it seems they do), i know i'm personally FREquently overwhelmed, but...keep your head up.
today i was happy for like fifty ridiculous reasons. one of them was that i can say i have the "swagga of a college kid".
haha.
i know, that's ridiculous. (and if you don't get that, click on it, please.)
anyway....i ...fail. hahah i can't express what i'm thinking.

i guess just...be happy. cause it's not worth being angry or hurt or...whatever...cause it's not going to benefit you, or anyone else, ever. EVER. some darling kids reminded me of that last night. there are approximately ten billion better things you could be doing with your life, right this very moment.

i think i'll go participate. :)