the footprints over the snow

IT SNOWED.

i love snow. did you know that? and i love to snowboard. and sled. and tube. and sit in the snow in waterproof clothing. and throw sticky snowballs at windows. i just don't like being cold. so i wear layers. no, i am not a polar bear because i grew up in utah, i just learned how to layer. no more questions about that now, please.


i'm done. i just walked out of my last final, and i stopped, and had a flashback from freshman year, as most of my best friends during april finals, would say: this is my last paper for two years, this is my last final for two years, my last class for two years...you get the point.


i said to myself: missy, you're done. for TWO YEARS.


what's up.


:)


p.s. my deferment papers are my bookmark in Peter Pan. perfect.

don't you evah, get too comfTAble. lemme catch my breath!

dang it. i love coming back to old, wonderful songs.

this. weekend. was. the BEST. and i super planned out one day, and let the other two happen, and they were PERFECT. even the awkward parts. like our bathroom ceiling sagging slowly to our destruction. hahhaha...but seriously.

change is really awesome. the ability to find new beginnings in so many different places, in so many different ways, is incredible. and even though we usually aren't in love with it, our incredible ability to change is beautiful. about every three months i've had in provo have felt like a completely different phase, and experience. i love this place, partly because the people and places i associate with are so open to my attempt to change, to refine myself, to stand back up when i slip. they may remember my past faults, but i'm not condemned for them. who i spend most of my time with is constantly changing and slipping, and what i do with these people. it's incredibly refreshing. a significant time marker just passed, of a sad day one year ago, last week. i brought it up with a dear friend, and the reflection felt like an ocean. there's no way i could imagine how much could have happened. so many things were pulled out from under my feet over the past twelve months, i kept climbing back up, and i was rewarded a thousand times over.

although the title^ was referring to a SEEYICK mash-up i've become re-obsessed with, it has a (n ironically) perfect eloquence of expression with my feelings of reflection. sitting on a shelf will never help us progress. each step of life should have new, more intimidating challenges. as long as we work hard, we'll learn. we're learning beings, and if we don't take advantage of it, we're hurting ourselves. it's nice to be comfortable, but it's better to grow. Neverland is such a nice thing to think about, but if we let the actual concept into our lives, we'll be stuck in a sad cycle of saying goodbye to our progressing, growing friends like peter. i hate being on that end of a farewell.

kay. i have to go be a writer. great.

love.

oh also...i love this. and them. :)

tell me what you know about dreams, dreams.

i'm not even going to go into that except...i do think dreams reflect what we've recently been thinking on, whether it's conscious or not. dreams are NOT random.

like my dream about pirates after i fell asleep after reading peter pan. so not random.
also probably means that i will be a pirate someday.
and fly.

ANYway. i've realized recently, i don't get bored anymore. i don't know why. i guess, if i don't feel content with my present activity, i change it by occupying myself with something else. or someone. but i still stay i'm bored all the time...out of habit i guess.

and i never do "nothing" anymore either. if i look like i'm sitting, doing nothing, without a book or notebook or a puppy or ipod, staring into space...i'm probably so terribly preoccupied with my thoughts that i can't concentrate on any visible activity.

what i'm trying to say...why? am i more easily satisfied? or have a found a way to be happy all the time in my life? (at least for the moment.)

list of things i've done in the last wk that COULD be boring but were WAY happy:
-making a scavenger hunt list while watching two halves of two movies
-playing mini-games on N64 over and over and over with one other person
-watching fiddler on the roof for the eight billionth time in my life
-going apt hunting in the blazing heat
-waiting in line for rides at lagoon with my fam
-lone walks
-talking. just talking. on couches, on a porch, on the grass...just TALK.
-organizing the pickchur wall
-sharing files

...maybe the secret is, to find the joy in the small things, instead of wishing for greater. why do i need to be wishing i was doing crazy things away from here? i'm happy. thankkkks. :)