on this, the last day of june.

tomorrow is officially the first day of the second half of [my] summer. in some ways, i knew exactly what this summer would be like. but then...i really am taken by surprise every day.

like.

i knew i'd be in the skyroom, probably. but i didn't know, until right before summer, it would be with dear dee dee. and porterrockwell, and janelle, kenna, jamie, adri, sam, and van. i didn't think it would be one of the best parts of the summer, honestly. it's so fun. and soooo hilarious. everyday. emily's psycho cannoncenter rubberband thief, the fish oil lemonade, the crush of a piano player, the foreigners at the carving station...every day is great. and feels a bit like a sitcom. haha. she might kill me, but here is my cohort through it all:

then, my awwwesome calling. i love. being fhe mom. and i love pretending we're a real family. our ward this summer has been GREAT about having super fun activies for fhe, and super high attendence. every week is a new little adventure. last week we went boating, which was ridiculously fun, it was the whole ward, and there's never any cliqueiness or unfriendliness, it's just super fun, and everyone's included.

this is me being a mother and one of my sons, PT, on the way back:

this week, we combined with uncle curtis and aunt whitney, and nick's family, a second cousin from another stake, and played water balloon vollleyball, which progressed into a water balloon fight, which progressed into a game of real volleyball. (our fhe activies are frequently way longer than planned, a result of all the wardly/familial love, which is great, haha) curtis, SPE, freddie, ry and i spent several hours filling them up, which honestly was just as much fun as the activity.

here's uncle curtis, looking good in spectacles:

i love the people in my summer of 2010.

p.p.s.

that's not all i have to say. kay. i'm not even angry at those stupid boys at this point. i...

if someone puts you in an uncomfortable situation, whether they're cruelly teasing, telling terrible stories, making inappropriate comments, just overall vomiting their lack of class all over everyone around them, you shouldn't just sit. i used to stand up to kids like that in high school/junior high. if they were picking on me, my friends, or anyone, really. and i wasn't scared. i just did it. and they stopped. because really, hardly anyone truly has malicious intent. they just don't stop, because no one stops them. i'm not saying it's alright for them to behave this way, but watching something bad happen without stopping it, isn't any better than supporting it. but i was such a wienie on friday. i just sat, for an hour, and took it.

next time, i won't. ever again, i won't. that was trash. next time, i'll say something. and hopefully, i'll be backed.
the end. i'm done.

p.s.

if anyone read that post from saturday morning/friday night...just...well. i was/am a lot more angry about it than i was trying to be in my blog, and...it was just weird post. and there's not really anything i can do about it, because being angry at those boys/the birthday boy won't help anyone or anything. SO. the end.

also, if you didn't read it, just disregard this. haha.

going back.

i love home. i love my home ward, and seeing everyone from the kids/youth and how much they've grown over the last few months, to the adults-my former leaders, teachers, neighbors, and then esPECially the kids my age. once again, a fairy tale engagement happened. a dear friend in my homeward i've known literally since birth, two months after mine, is engaged to a boy she dated in high school, then wrote on his mission.
WHOA. i'll probably have a wet face the entire reception. which will be attractive. but i'm still excited.

annnnd. last night on pride rock, i caught up with another darling friend from home, my dear rachelry. and the night before with coley and kenji. it's crazy how much time has gone by since i've met these three, kinda seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.

which brings me to this lady(on the right):
best friend forever. it doesn't matter how long it's been, or where you've been, it's aaaalways wonderful to see...the best friend.
(speaking of which....fall 2012...you could come a little faster, if you'd like, you know.)
anyway.

happy.

going back to your roots, whether they be your high school, childhood, or just home memories, can be quite refreshing.

it's really bursting at the seams, from absorbing everything, the spectrum's a to z.

i know i just blogged. but it was so illiterate i'm going to try again.

i always whine about missing people and hard things and growing up, but...hmm. it's okay. i have friends that are so willing to take big risks in relationships that always bewilder me...why do they so readily put their heart in a place where it can be crushed? well missy, cause they're smarter than you.

i blogged a list of what i think is a best friend awhile ago, but i had a much briefer, harsher version in high school. you had to have known each other at least a year, been friends at least six months, seen each other cry, and survived a big fight. those last two were a little bit of wisdom i grasped onto back then, probably stealing it from a friend. although they're unpleasant, they provoke needed thought.

for years i had comfortable friendships, occasionally ending up with some very dear friends. but not until i was a senior in high school did i understand how these friendships come about. it's nice to be friends with someone when you're having fun and being happy and playing, but when they start being stupid or mean, or you start being stupid and/or mean, and cause each other heartache, is when you truly grow together. it's not a good thing, and i'm sure our Father in Heaven doesn't enjoy watching us go through the process, but when we go through these difficult things, we learn how to truly love and find joy in life as our heart heals.

although i imagine how awesome it would be if all my friends were right around me, and things were nice and pleasant, i realize...that doesn't make sense at all. for example, my dear friend kirk and i, enjoyed being around each other, laughing together, whatever, in high school. we didn't realize how important we were to each other until we left for college, and weren't in the same city anymore. we thought we were good friends in high school, but when our friendship was tested, between the bumps and hills and small mountains we met along the way, (sometimes created by each other) we grew soooo much closer than we could've imagined. and this because we'd been pulled apart from each other.

what i'm trying to say is...everything's okay. it's more than okay. it's beautiful. because that which makes our hearts ache, is that which is teaching us true joy and love in this world.

please never ever let anything, or anyone, slip through your fingers because you don't want to be hurt. taking risks, as another dear friend taught me a few years ago, is one of the greatest things you can EVER do for yourself, in your life.
(and hey. i just listened to lack of color without crying for the first time in...since last summer. after like 200 listens. we can do it!)

last night while we were running around.

i KNOW i overuse the word cute. and i KNOW it's confusing. because, yes, i have a far more broad definition for the word than most people.

BUT.

efy kids are SOOO CUUUTE. i don't know why they bug people. they're so adorable, terrified of everything, trying so hard to act cool...pretty much all of them failing....ahhhh i love that aaaaaage. they're going through such a CRAZY time in their lives...figuring out who they are...actually...i guess college is the same thing. just scarier. hahha. anyway.

i love beirut. i can't remember ever loving every single song a band's ever written. like yeah...coldplay is incredible, i'll listen everything by them, and IIII think jason mraz's voice is beautiful enough that i'd listen to anything he sings...but i think that's more because i'm in love with the IDEA of the artist, and the fact that it's THEIR song, than the song itself.

but beirut...i just love. everything. today's song: (transatlantique, on elephant gun)

it makes my heart sssssing. i don't know any other way to describe it.

...i'm still not sure the point of this post....sorry.
haha.

oh p.s. there TOTALLY was a man that died at utah lake last week, his boat capsized, i believe on that super windy day.
WEAR A LIFE[VEST].
not that i regret going, either time, thank you ty and the best ward EVER.

p.p.s. i love the skyroom. and...when missionaries get to the point that they care more about working hard than letters. :)

wave yo flag.

kay...it's summer. i went to disneyland last week. with my mommy and daddy and unmarried siblings. so i'm still mostly a kid right? wait. doesn't that mean everything's supposed to be easy and i don't worry about money or big choices or jobs or missions or friends moving/being across the country/world? fail. growing up is weird.
maybe ... that's why i'm so obsessed with peter pan lately. (i refuse to check out anything but that from the library lately. but they're still all checked out. overdue, even. hmph.)
the world cup is so great. i mean, i love all the weird things they do in the olympics, but this is so much better. everyone just plays soccer! i know what's going ON!
speaking of which, this just made my heart exPLODE with happiness:

everyone's so happy. and beautiful. we should all watch some more world cup. with flags.
anyway. you know those cute kids that started dating senior year, that, if our lives were tv shows, they'd be summer and seth, or blair and chuck, or jim and pam, jack and kate, j.d. and elliot, whatever. TWO of those couples i know, got enGAGED this week. what??? fairy tales...do come true. ahhh. and i'm here. doing? what. i don't know. i don't want to get married. i don't want to go to school. i just want to work. or volunteer. something. just. something that doesn't involve my brain, or uncomfortable emotions. if you see me, like, laughing to myself, or crying, or something, around provo, don't worry. i'm just havin a lil nervous breakdown.
go watch some soccer.

love love loooove, looove love love....

oookay.

i thought of like eight billion things to write about, like:

i love the weather, the stores, the streets, the coast, the foliage, the homes, the lot of things about CA. and i've concluded i must live here for like a summer. BUT. i will never raise a family here. unless i'm forced to. not here, not utah. sorry.

animal collective is AWESOME to listen to while driving long distances. (but probably don't make the rest of the car try to be open minded and experience it too...if they're your darling family. cause it will most likely not be a positive experience.)

disneyland is super magical. i just hate being stressed about about things, especially on vacation. and disneyland+gibson family=lots of stressed out running around and ocd planning. but we did good this time. lots of magic, and fun, and hilarious line waiting, it was GREAT. (and it was SO worth waiting half hour for peter pan.)

There are a few things people should know, fashionably, that i wanted to tell them to their faces, but my desire for them to experience the magic at disneyland without their self esteem being lower exceeded the former. BUT. i'll tell you a couple:

boys: i am not opposed to tank tops. i think you look adorable. specifically those skater/surfer kinda looser ones, usually involving stripes. BUT. unLESS you are trying to look trashy, NO TIGHT TANKS. you look like an idiot. ew.

girls: leggings are not pants. if you want to wear them with a dress, fine. but a longish shirt or jacket...you are making your bum look huge. not big, huge. cause they are terribly unflattering in that area. you don't look sexy. you look FAT. sorry. put some bottoms on.

the back of a honda pilot is WAY smaller than the back of a suburban. (okay, i wouldn't really blog about that...but if you're considering downsizing...don't do it. ow.)

macgyver is great. just...no more. especially no more in the car. plllleeeeaaase. (okay, also wouldn't blog about that. this is just babbling now. sorry.)

the ocean. playing in it. is SUCH a metaphor to our lives. think about it. floating, being sucked under, coming back to the shore, swimming...think about it.

but. i'm not going to elaborate more on any of those. i'm just going to say, i love:

ashley, marshall, garrett, mama, dad, the beach, sand, the oceaaan, disneyland, peter pan, oscar wilde, warm weather, humidity, huntington, newport, sharky's, cheescake factory, star wars, alice in wonderland, tea cups, cinnamon toast crunch, beirut, sufjan, freckles, ben gibbard, kites, (yes ratch, we flew kites...on the beach.) the world cup, california, the "it's a small world" ride, our cute condo, and psych. which my family is watching right now.

bye!

i know the heart of life is good.

arching. (stolen from ryan. thhhhanks.)

yams.

prescriptions.

adorable.

eighty percent OUT.

sooo this week. i've been freaking out about my future, the immediate, the summer, the fall, the winter, the next few years, my adulthood...everything, hardcore.

"fear is the friend who's misunderstood."

i'm not really sure why. BUT. i had super awesome discussions with super awesome people that helped me realize a lot of things, including the fact that i'm lucky to have some very privileged aquaintances. (like, i'm priveleged to know them.)

"then the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining."

anyway. i've concluded...i need to live in the present. and this is my last summer of childhood, probably. which is okay. i just need to get out of crisis mode. and growing up will come when it comes, and i need to not sit on the edge of my seat and cringe...i can just let it hit me. cause i might get knocked over, but i'll definitely be able to get back up.

two friends helped me reach complete opposite conclusions. but i think my personal conclusion should be somewhere in the middle, which is where i am, so i'm glad for that. love is the most important thing EVER and you should never deprive yourself or anyone else of it. that doesn't necessarily refer to, or not refer to, romantic love. so. think about THAT.

"pain throws your heart to the ground, [but] love turns the whole thing around."

don't even try to deny that.

i'm too tired to write anything else. and it's probably TMI anyway. but guess what.

i will be in CA in 72 hours. ish. YESSSSS.

night.

five [hundred] percent pleasure.

i was talking with a nice young man last night, watching a group of enthusiastic twenty-somethings playing four square, very... enthusiastically. we laughed about this cute little world we're living in, and how we've really got to enjoy every second of it, while it lasts. cause really...college is way too fun.

some things, a-j:
a. we can go back to sunny beautiful moab...now. if you guys want.
b. it is very possible to get sick of BYU brownies.
c. reason number 40,276 i love efy: sometimes they have leftover whatever-awesomeness placed in the third floor kitchen right when i get off.
d. provo town center is probably better than university mall. but i still hate those bridges.
e. i love living with these gingers.
f. starting now, i am one-fourth mexican.
g. troll 2 is indeed the worst film, ever.
h. i love banksy.
i. there are 4 d-words.
j. one week from tomorrow...california, here we COME.