nothin's gonna change my mind! (i'm travelin a different highway.)

nothin short of thaaankful.

Hey guess what. I'm leaving on a mission. Una semana from Wednesday.
I'm...going on a mission.
Finally.
I'm severely happy about it.

The last few months have been...crazy. Seriously, I'm nothing short of thaaankful. I had an awesome job at the perfect time, my hilarious wonderful family at home with me, dearest old friends from Kaysville, and of course my darlings an hour south in Provo.

I visited them (Provo darlings) this last week, and it was GREAT. (I missed some, but, that happens. I saw the majority, which was excellent.) I literally fell asleep in tears a few nights, so overjoyed for these darling people in my life.

Friends. Are such a blessing in life. (I'm not excluding my family in this, they're some of my top bffs, obviously. :) )

"Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes." -Elder Marvin J. Ashton

My friends have TOTES (hahha. totes.) done this for me.

I want to tell stories about how each of these great people I said seeyalater (not goodbye, NEVER goodbye) to this week effected my life, but then this blog would never end. I just have to tell you. Today I was watching the Faith in Christ video (if you haven't watched it, please do.) with my fam, and it made me think, Jesus Christ is our example in everything, and He was always such a good friend. He wasn't just a wonderful leader, and example, and brother and son, He was a wonderful friend. To so so sooo many people.
I want to always be that. (I mean, obviously I can't be nearly as good a friend as He was, but, that's what I aim to be, a good friend. yes.) I hope I have been. I will try to be better. I can't think of one time in my life that I've been having a hard time, and I haven't had a friend reach out and help me up. And Christ is always that friend. Oh man. I love the gospel. And The Church. And definitely my big brother Jesus Christ.

So, thanks. Friends. :)

Granted, this hug was definitely silly, (captured by Cass, haha thanks!aaaand my face is pink from laughter, not tears, DON'T worry) but. whudev. You think it's cute. I can tell.

(don't worry. this is not the end. i'm posting my address(es) friday.)

he might never see her again.

hahah. the title is just an excuse to quote the avetts, it has zero to...okay lie. i have been wondering a lot lately if i'll be friends with any of my baby missionaries when we both back. all of them. i hope so. every one of them.

(I KNOW. I'M OBSESSING. SORRY. IT WILL PROB'LY ALL BE OKAY. YEP. SURE. KAY.)

GUESS WHAT (sorry, forgot it was on, but i refuse to go back...) missy's doing tomorrow! she's going to california!!!!!!! to southern california!!!!! before missy leaves!!!! to live on the ocean for a few days. :) soooooo happy.
well actually. missy will only make it to st. geezy tomorrow. but it's the first leg of da journey, otay?

i will swim. and eat. and LAUGH. because THIS vacation, i won't be sad (and pretending not to be) about something happening in my life. cause i'm just HAPPY!!!

(also, guess what. second to baby brother, just got his mission call to OREGON!!! eugene. so there's like three missions between us. but that's not the point. CRAZY!! and so GREAT. yesssss.)

jkl;fdsakl;afdskln;fdsa

oh hey. eepud's broken, so i was wondering what i should do. i should WRITE, duh. hahha. silly missy.


ooh ooh equation.
+
=

(missy+ocean=no, not equals the brothers avett, equals THE BEST!)

baby i'm worried too.

hmmmm. my relief at being done with TINs was too soon. yucky monday.

but it has been lightened by the dear Avett Brothers (who i MUST see live before i die) that have the best way of saying, well, singing, everything.



annnd i must say, i have the best of friends. :) (especially including my little MISSIONARY besties. awww. i and love and them.)



also, i love the church. because this and this. (my little brother's best friend/best friend's little brother is in Japan, so yes one of my first thoughts was the missionaries. but he's not in sendai or tokyo, and he's fine, don't worry.)

also. you can help! just donate $5 to the Red Cross. We can all afford that. Just click here or donate on iTunes, it's super easy. Or one of these sites, some of them are matching donations. I'm supa poor and i did it! :)


kay. i'm grateful i'm not worrying about radiation or being drowned or my house being destroyed or the whereabouts/safety of my family. being bored by TINs seems really silly now. sorry about that.

Keep Japan in your prayers! happy monday. bybye.

another equation for the provokiddz

reese's puffs + HOMEMADE french toast + utah lake + mochi + sister & sister's bff talks + sleeping in + cocoa bean artisan chocolate + fluffy snow + finding skirts that are mission appropriate AND attractive to missy = thanks, you wonnnnderful friendies. :)

WELP.

i hate wednesdays. lots of "still"s on this one.

stomach still feels weird.

still tired.

still miss tyty and rachie.

still have lots of things to do...to my room, to write, to buy...

bleh. (still love making that barfing noise...haha)

perhaps tonight would be a good night for the swimming.

or...to get rid of some of the "still"s. probably. hmmmmm.

dear p-vo, and its inhabitants:

hot-tubbing @ sparkle apple + canyon bonfiring + pvo temple + soda + fresh rms + sisters + nephew baby + voodoo salad + carpooling + 236 + breadsticks + mission talk +new friends + old friends =


thanks. that was great. times seven. kbye.

twenty eleven.

twenty ten was good to me.



january-started working at the skyroom and made WONDERFUL friendies, started taking classes i actually enjoy and LOVED them, decided to stop being antisocial in the ward and was immediatly enveloped in loving, darling arms.


february-had some serious adventures (everything from the best of dance parties to three day trips to the coast), made some serious friends, and decided to open my heart for the first time in awhile.


march-continued adventuring, decided to put school and sleep to the back burner...haha. loved and learned a lot.


april-left my teenage self behind forever, barely made it through finals, and made the second best decision of the year: to stay in provo for the summer. also learned, strengthened important older and newer friendships. became an AUNT.


may-began the summer of FREEDOM and AWESOMENESS. started being social...er, in the ward, and adventured more (including nice little visit to the red rocks of moab). oh, and became a mother, which triggered more excellent best friendships.


june-i found the warmth i'd been looking for since february, and loosened up, working three jobs within a job, broke some bad habits, relaxed, plaaaayed, and visited mickey and the ocean with the famdam.


july-by now, i'd discovered provo was exploding with excellence, from the people to the books to the weather to the sidewalks. celebrated our country's bombness with the fammer in the mountains. broke free again.


august-sipped constantly from the sweetness of relaxation and summer, simultaneously started exploding with anticipation of everything(missionaries coming and going, schooool, friends back in provo, etc.), crammed in more fun than was legal, i'm sure.


september-started school with my head on straight, with a perfect schedule. celebrated two beloved birthdays, and gushed with joy in reunions...still insisted it was summer in every spare moment, and provo weather agreed with me. decided to go for sure.


october-delved deeper into classes, fell in love again with a darling ward and adorable roommates, had some final trio adventures for a few years, established the best dinner club in the history of mankind, made more bests, loved living in ptown with four siblings and a nephew.


november-sent off ANOTHER best, but it was happy this time, with my final realization that their leaving me to serve a mission is SO much more important. period. crammed in more provo fun, loved bests and famdam, thanked and ate turkey.


december-began to panic that this beautiful phase was ending soon, and schooled, played, and loved it up. celebrated the birth of Christ, reflected on the best year ever, and how i'm going to make every year after this equally bomb. the end.

it's only change, and i'm only changing...

i've heard it a million times, and so have you:

yeah, i hated that area, but by the time i was transferred, i was so sad, cause i'd grown to love it.

i thought she was so obnoxious, but then we had to work together, and we got really close, by the time the class was over, i was sad i didn't see her anymore.

i had to work with him everyday, and at first he drove me crazy, but i grew to like him by the end, and i missed him after i left.

et cetera.

you start out in a situation, and it's hard. it's unhappy, you don't know what to do with yourself, you want everything to be "just like it used to be". you acknowledge that it won't, then you go to work. and it's difficult, but you see a change that grows and grows until suddenly, the situation you've been complaining about is now creating most of the happiness in your life.

by the time we're comfortable, we have to move on, so we can grow some more.

i finally am comfortable in provo. i don't just have friends, or fun, but it's my home. last night i had my last (maybe? probably.) sunday chat with ...probably my best non-gibson friend in provo... and it was surreal. we talked about the way we became friends, which is kinda crazy. lots of things happened that put us in the right place at the right time...and not all happy things. mostly not happy things, actually. but we both chose to make the best of things, and now, he's truly and honestly like the big brother i've never had. but of course, because we're only pseudo-siblings, we have to say goodbye now, and i don't know where we're both going to be in two years. but that's okay. we're leaving each other better, and i will never forget our friendship.

i'm going to miss my big brother, my best friends, my ward family, byu, provo, and living in the same city with four of my real siblings, but. i'm so excited for this next step.


goodbye provo, hello kaysville.


oh and p.s....it's almost christmas. be excited. :)
(official christmas tree of allred twelve, thanks going to my dear miss cassandra.)

don't you evah, get too comfTAble. lemme catch my breath!

dang it. i love coming back to old, wonderful songs.

this. weekend. was. the BEST. and i super planned out one day, and let the other two happen, and they were PERFECT. even the awkward parts. like our bathroom ceiling sagging slowly to our destruction. hahhaha...but seriously.

change is really awesome. the ability to find new beginnings in so many different places, in so many different ways, is incredible. and even though we usually aren't in love with it, our incredible ability to change is beautiful. about every three months i've had in provo have felt like a completely different phase, and experience. i love this place, partly because the people and places i associate with are so open to my attempt to change, to refine myself, to stand back up when i slip. they may remember my past faults, but i'm not condemned for them. who i spend most of my time with is constantly changing and slipping, and what i do with these people. it's incredibly refreshing. a significant time marker just passed, of a sad day one year ago, last week. i brought it up with a dear friend, and the reflection felt like an ocean. there's no way i could imagine how much could have happened. so many things were pulled out from under my feet over the past twelve months, i kept climbing back up, and i was rewarded a thousand times over.

although the title^ was referring to a SEEYICK mash-up i've become re-obsessed with, it has a (n ironically) perfect eloquence of expression with my feelings of reflection. sitting on a shelf will never help us progress. each step of life should have new, more intimidating challenges. as long as we work hard, we'll learn. we're learning beings, and if we don't take advantage of it, we're hurting ourselves. it's nice to be comfortable, but it's better to grow. Neverland is such a nice thing to think about, but if we let the actual concept into our lives, we'll be stuck in a sad cycle of saying goodbye to our progressing, growing friends like peter. i hate being on that end of a farewell.

kay. i have to go be a writer. great.

love.

oh also...i love this. and them. :)

alabama arkansaaaaaas.

i love covers, and i love remixes. i think this could be a reflection of the way i think, and live; i don't like to leave beautiful things of the past behind, i like to revisit them. however, if it's in a new light, with new people, an "up-dated" version of my experience, if you will, it's even better!

i love ben lee's cover of modest mouse's float on.

i love jason mraz's cover of bob marley's one love.

i love the "across the universe" covers of the beatles' let it be, i've just seen a face, because, and all you need is love.

i love the kooks' cover of ace of base's all that she wants.

i love the thrice cover of the beatles' eleanor rigby.

i love vitamin string quartet's cover of my chemical romance's helena.

i love the shins' cover of the postal service's we will become silhouettes.

i love death cab's cover of this charming man.

and i love pretty much every cover and remix of kids by mgmt: the kooks, chiddy bang, ben lee...and mgmt's own remix. (which i may be listening to right now and trying SO hard to hold still, in the library...failing...dp toNIZZight...anyway.)

then all of daft punk's alive 2007, especially harderbetterfasterstrongeraroundtheworld.

then there's the freaking hood internet (mashup remixes): two weeks of hip hop, giving up the sunshowers, back that sleepyhead up, rude baptism, comfortable up here, can you hear my kids now...i think you get the point.

that's how i think of life too. i like re-visiting memories, people, and places, and mixing it with my new life. that is why, i am sincerely excitement to move home in less than a month. new and old and love and GREAT.

AND, spacker's back...there's that.

annnnnnd, the point of the title: my favorite remix right now, below.

(no, i do not prefer it. blasphemous. but. i loooooooove.)
also, you can download it from them, for free, here.

riding bikes, making out...brushing teeth.

i love these two.

and the former? three very good things.

thanks, jónsi.

i love my roomates. talking and cooking and laughing and everything with them. last night i related to my darling viv a delightful and hilarious transition of events in my life...isn't it great how insane things can be in the present, but in retrospect they're just really awesome? i'm really grateful for my life, and the things that have happened in it. especially 2006 on. it's been pretty bomb. (also, it's just bomb that me and viv are the same person, there's that.)

missionary work is so great. i received a long awaited (well, honestly, they're all long-awaited, i'm an incredibly impatient person) letter yesterday, annnnd to be honest, even though he's my bestest friendie ever...i can't hear his voice anymore when i read them. partly because he's grown/changed soooo much. missionary work is the most eternal, selfless, wonderful thing EVER. I just wish i could go right noooow. but i know i can prepare more first, so i can be more effective, so it's okay.

one more thing. biiiiiking. is. sooooo. great. i want it to be warm forever. or i just may run away to a warmer climate so i may keep riding til my bday.

cloud cult's new album + jónsi + great thoughts about life previously discussed with a dear friend= best ride eeev. er.

try it?

bye.

didn't i, my dear?

i mostly dislike parties, and most other large social gatherings. the overwhelming thought that there are so many people i don't know, that i should, or could, i think is what bothers me so much. i love making new friends (who doesn't?) but after being drowned in introductions for a couple weeks (like...the last two weeks, for example) i start to get overwhelmed, like i might at a party. and i want to give up.

occasionally, my solution for this, is to let people come to me. to not be even remotely friendly or outgoing, until they pretty much offer me a friendship on a platter. which is terribly terribly rude. and when i look back at the times in my life that i did that, versus when i went out of my way to make new friends with anyone and everyone...the latter was and still is ALways more rewarding.

So. I have a challenge. (That I myself will be trying very hard to fulfill as well, of course.) Let's go out of our comfort zones. Until Christmas, don't ever let yourself hide in a comfortable shell of a friend group every day. Be nice, befriendly, be warm. At school, at home, at work, in the grocery store, at church, on the street, EVERYWHERE. Maybe you won't make loads of friends, maybe you will. But won't it be nice to know, come the 25th, that you helped others feel that same love your Heavenly Father has for you, which is why He blessed you with such great friends? Or maybe you don't have a comfortable group of friends. Maybe you're feeling lonely right now. Even better, don't make them come to you, go FIND all these new friends! :)

bicycling on every wednesday evening...

i...really don't. i don't even know if i ever have. it's mostly been done every other day of the week, i think. haha.
anyway.

yesterday was our last real 236th summer semester ward activity. and guess what.
i was sad.

(i am aware, pretty much everything provokes some great emotion from me, which could mean you judge me to be dramatic...but if that bothers you, you should probably have stopped reading my blog by now. like, NOW. or i'm going to accidentally give you an ulcer, and i don't want that.)

I say to rachel (ratch), all the time, when I get upset about something "I wish I just didn't CARE." One time, she firmly, but kindly, said, "Missy, no you don't." And she's right, and I can't ever forget that. I'm never going to be good at saying goodbyes, but that's okay. If I'm ever in a state of not-missing-someone, either the second coming has occurred, or my heart has turned to stone. So. It's okay.
Also. I've felt a pretty constant feeling--especially since i started college--of frustration...that I'm always missing out on something. There's always somewhere else I could be, someone else I could be with, something else I could be doing. But, oh well. We have to make choices constantly in life, and as long as i don't repeatedly choose to sit home and do nothing, I'm going to have to be happy with whatever I'm doing.

SO. Since I've realized that I'm NEVER going to be able to do EVERYTHING that I wish I could, or I think I should, I should just chill out and be grateful for the things I HAVE done.

Sooooo.
thank you, my darling summer friends, (and eternal family) for helping me (since the beginning of May):
.live in the cutest, happiest, greatest ghetto apt EVER for four months with three of the BEST roomates,
.swwwwim,
.camp,
.have nice talks about everything i could possibly desire,
.be involved in the BEST ward with the BEST calling ever,
.make new friends,
.make better friends,
.read,
.enjoy otter pops and popsicles and snow cones and ice cream and un-cal-fro-yo and MOCHI,
.discover/experience lots of GREAT music,
.watch some old and new WONDERFUL films,
.try loooots of great cuisine,
.trust and be trusted,
.write happy letters,
.take happy photos,
.have fun at family gatherings,
.play at amusement parks,
.ride all over south provo on darling bicycles,
.browse the city biblioteca,
.enjoy porch sitting on summer afternoons and evenings and nights,
.shhhop,
.read lots of informative and some pointless magazine articles,
.attain more freckles and lightened hair from spending time in the ssssun,
.have bonfires. every time i remotely desired one,
.play at that freezing beautiful lake down the road,
.travel down that freezing beautiful river up the road,
.rrrroadtrip,
.looongboard,
.dance my heart out,
.overcome some secret and severely silly fears,
.play in the ocean,
.love urbanness,
.love suburbanness,
.utilize my sunglasses,
.have fun smelling drugs i'm not doing and sweaty people i don't know/attending excellent concerts,
.wear my favorite attire, over and over and over--tshirt and cutoffs/jeans,
.play with sparklers and fireworks,
.sleep in,
.laugh LOADS,
.get free breakfast,
.talk to important byu visitors and new zealanders,
.watch darling love sparks happen,
.cry for not sorrowful reasons,
.read excellent writing/see beautiful photos on bloooogs,
.LOVE,
.be loved,
.see GREAT things,
.gaze and wonder nightly at the BEAUTIFUL night sky,
.sing lots, with lots of talented guitarists and a couple ukuleleists,
.play a little bit of piano and ukulele and guitar...haha,
.help a little african's feet,
.deal with things i needed/need to,
.play nintendo,
.be creative,
.be artistic,
.express myself,
.watch some GREAT musicals,
.learn more about the gospel, people, the world, politics, government, ....lots of things,
.learn more about (by others' example): sacrifice, real love, selflessness, courage, patience, hard work, persistence, finding jooooy in all things...and so much more,
.experience joy and a special unity watching beautiful SOCCER,
.play soccer, frisbee, ultimate, and kickball,
.see a whole lacrosse game,
.enjoy countless gorgeous sunsets and other beautiful skies,
.learn lots of little slivers of languages,
.hear LOTS of awesome experiences in others' lives, especially about missions,
.and help me learn/remember a little better, who i am.

love you,
missy.

if it were mine, it would be yours to take.

i don't want to get married, right now. at ALL.

but. the thought, of a best friend, that will be with me, for forEVER, and won't go to a different school hours away, or leave me for a couple years, or forget about me 'cause they're in love with someone else, or move away, or move onto cooler friends, or whatever...

is SO appealing.

selfish, i am. annnnd that's why i've still got a FEW years before i figure out my tribe. and my future hussaband's. haha.

on a completely unrelated note, pleeeeeeease listen to this song.

it's all around to see, if we try.

"every question, every answer too.
ever constant, ever changing view.
it's a memory in the sun.
or it's all in the darkness.

maybe it's all around to see if we try.
but maybe it's been inside of me all this time.

LOVE (18 times)
ooh.

crazy with it
crazier without
never certain
never full of doubt

now you feel it
now you don't
do you know what you're feelin'?
where did it come from, and where does it go?
if it were right in front of me, would i know?

LOVE (27 times)"

-shiny toy guns

my sister ashbash has been obSESSED with this since i showed it to her.
after, i'd already been obsessed with it...three times.

so you'd think i'd be sick of it by now? no.

becaaaaause i love love. (and shiny toy guns' take on it.) no, i don't love watching cheesy "classic" lovey movies, most of the time, and i don't love reading long novels about people slowly falling in love, (or quickly, and doing "cute" things...no.) all that fictional crap...for the most part, no.

but REAL love. like watching my grandparents, after over fifty years of marriage, make breakfast together. or watching my dad feed his grandbaby a bottle. or watching two people slowly get closer and closer, until they decide to make a marriage. :) haha. or two best friends, laughing at inside jokes, finishing each others sentences, bringing out the best in each other. or watching a mom patiently trying to feed her excited toddlers, after they've thrown half their food on the ground. every kind of love. but probably my favorite this weekend...

when loads of darling spaniards, proud of their team and their country, celebrate by the thousands for winning their first world cup.
NICE WORK. go spain. :)

going back.

i love home. i love my home ward, and seeing everyone from the kids/youth and how much they've grown over the last few months, to the adults-my former leaders, teachers, neighbors, and then esPECially the kids my age. once again, a fairy tale engagement happened. a dear friend in my homeward i've known literally since birth, two months after mine, is engaged to a boy she dated in high school, then wrote on his mission.
WHOA. i'll probably have a wet face the entire reception. which will be attractive. but i'm still excited.

annnnd. last night on pride rock, i caught up with another darling friend from home, my dear rachelry. and the night before with coley and kenji. it's crazy how much time has gone by since i've met these three, kinda seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.

which brings me to this lady(on the right):
best friend forever. it doesn't matter how long it's been, or where you've been, it's aaaalways wonderful to see...the best friend.
(speaking of which....fall 2012...you could come a little faster, if you'd like, you know.)
anyway.

happy.

going back to your roots, whether they be your high school, childhood, or just home memories, can be quite refreshing.