and love is but an ocean...

it goes on. and on. and on.
love, i mean.

...i can't gather my thoughts, so that's all.

seriously.

"Missy, can I--WHAT! You're not like caring for a baby in here. Or pregnant! CARPET! Couches?? What!...Can I...Can I have the bleach?"
-temporary janitor of the lavatory

"If everyone was in ward choir, who would they sing to? It's just as important to have spectators."
-probably my favorite ward member

"That's why I don't like horses. They look nice, but inside they're evil."
-horse and boy hater

tell me what you know about dreams, dreams.

i'm not even going to go into that except...i do think dreams reflect what we've recently been thinking on, whether it's conscious or not. dreams are NOT random.

like my dream about pirates after i fell asleep after reading peter pan. so not random.
also probably means that i will be a pirate someday.
and fly.

ANYway. i've realized recently, i don't get bored anymore. i don't know why. i guess, if i don't feel content with my present activity, i change it by occupying myself with something else. or someone. but i still stay i'm bored all the time...out of habit i guess.

and i never do "nothing" anymore either. if i look like i'm sitting, doing nothing, without a book or notebook or a puppy or ipod, staring into space...i'm probably so terribly preoccupied with my thoughts that i can't concentrate on any visible activity.

what i'm trying to say...why? am i more easily satisfied? or have a found a way to be happy all the time in my life? (at least for the moment.)

list of things i've done in the last wk that COULD be boring but were WAY happy:
-making a scavenger hunt list while watching two halves of two movies
-playing mini-games on N64 over and over and over with one other person
-watching fiddler on the roof for the eight billionth time in my life
-going apt hunting in the blazing heat
-waiting in line for rides at lagoon with my fam
-lone walks
-talking. just talking. on couches, on a porch, on the grass...just TALK.
-organizing the pickchur wall
-sharing files

...maybe the secret is, to find the joy in the small things, instead of wishing for greater. why do i need to be wishing i was doing crazy things away from here? i'm happy. thankkkks. :)

the lights go on.

sooooo. i learned a lesson today. sometimes people can break rules, and get away with it, maybe cause sometimes that rule wasn't necessarily made for them, but stupid people who can't control themselves.

like, maybe bringing food, like a full, unlidded cup of cranberry juice, somewhere, like a carpeted school library, where you're not supposed to....


dang it. sorry harold.

whyyy do i need anyone else, when i can break the sky myself?

the last few years...or rather, since i can remember...i feel like my life has had a pretty steady pattern. something GREAT happens, then something ELSE that's GREAT then something ELSE til my life is positively golden with all these wonderful happenings and people and places. then when i can't get any higher on this cloud of awesomeness, i crrrrash. and something tests me. and i'm not happy. and i have to try to be. and it's a test. i think it's called...learning humility.

anyway, right now, i keep trying to tell myself i'll stay on this awesome streak til the end of the summer...but i don't even know if that's possible. cause it has been a ridiculously GREAT. month.

some things:

bonnnnfire!!
drrrive in!
sparklerrrrs! (HI!)
wedding! (helping the groom with the cufflinks and...buttonlinks?)
family babies!!
blast to the past!!

deer!

sunsetsss!

hmmmm. :)

saturday nights in [friendly] light.

soooo happy.
all this week...i playyyyed. not necessarily partied, but plaayyyyed. i wasn't home very much. then, there was a mild swim with some nice ladies saturday morning, a delightful trip to the grocery stores (thank you michelle), mochi ice cream, and this was the rest of the night:


homemade SALSSSA. (for which ratch sacrificed her hand...thank you.)

inkfilled artistry.

and eeeeve reading. (never happens...weird that she did that.)
thennnn we fell asleep to this:
i. love. my. roomates/apartment. night in=BEST.
i almost forgot we don't have AC....

seriously?

"Why don't they just kill the whole cow?"
-some kid from wyoming


hahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaa

it's all around to see, if we try.

"every question, every answer too.
ever constant, ever changing view.
it's a memory in the sun.
or it's all in the darkness.

maybe it's all around to see if we try.
but maybe it's been inside of me all this time.

LOVE (18 times)
ooh.

crazy with it
crazier without
never certain
never full of doubt

now you feel it
now you don't
do you know what you're feelin'?
where did it come from, and where does it go?
if it were right in front of me, would i know?

LOVE (27 times)"

-shiny toy guns

my sister ashbash has been obSESSED with this since i showed it to her.
after, i'd already been obsessed with it...three times.

so you'd think i'd be sick of it by now? no.

becaaaaause i love love. (and shiny toy guns' take on it.) no, i don't love watching cheesy "classic" lovey movies, most of the time, and i don't love reading long novels about people slowly falling in love, (or quickly, and doing "cute" things...no.) all that fictional crap...for the most part, no.

but REAL love. like watching my grandparents, after over fifty years of marriage, make breakfast together. or watching my dad feed his grandbaby a bottle. or watching two people slowly get closer and closer, until they decide to make a marriage. :) haha. or two best friends, laughing at inside jokes, finishing each others sentences, bringing out the best in each other. or watching a mom patiently trying to feed her excited toddlers, after they've thrown half their food on the ground. every kind of love. but probably my favorite this weekend...

when loads of darling spaniards, proud of their team and their country, celebrate by the thousands for winning their first world cup.
NICE WORK. go spain. :)

i'm breakin out this time, making out with the wind!

this...was...the...best weekend EVER. (the beeest daaay eeeeverrrr! holla to rubie and t.hamp, if he were alive)

friday, i worked THIRTEEN AND A HALF HOURS. STRAIGHT. ON MY FEET. (well, except probably like twenty minutes) and it was soooooo fun. thoughts to myself in the dishroom for the first time in the morning at the morris center, then just crazy super fun in the skyroom with most of my favorite employees and a giant wedding luncheon, then a huuuuge beautiful banquet, at which i saw ALL my favorite catering kids....ahhhh. then saw some explosions and nice people at the taj, and checked out freddie's SICK television...that day was LONG. then darling ratch and hanner and i fell asleep to a nice film. (well, i fell asleep. haha.)

sllllllept in saturday, then ran over to see spain defeat paraguay (haHA!) with sclubseven, then ran home and packed (something i truly LOVE doing, unpacking, on the other hand...) and drove a BEAUTIFUL drive to the cabin, played with the fam, welcomed in independence day with....the great film, independence day! (which, if you haven't seen, is truly patriotic, all about americans being the smartest and best and most awesome...hahahhahahha...top notch.)

sunday, PACKED at the oakley ward, GREAT meeting, which i experienced from the foyer, (there were a TON of babies there. and sometimes i think, it's a good idea, if you need to take a walk, to pretend your young child is fussy. cause most those kids seemed pretty content, not really in need of being taken to the hall...haha...) that ward was so LEGIT. i love really down to earth, humble, people. and two hundred visitors. haha. theeeennn patriotic talks over supper, then hours of bananagrams, then catch phrase, then...a dance off with no music..hahahha

this day, monday, slllleeeept in, again, (SO good.) pancakes homemade by gramma, and scrambled eggs [home]made by grampa, then some jurassic park, then a new arrival, then the lake...canoeing and roasting and playing...then another BEAUTIFUL drive through the canyon, then a roomate reunion/darling view of a backporch, THEN how to train a dragon. if you like cute things, see it. cause it was funny, and sweet, with wonderful animation, and jonsi even sings a song at the end, (CALLED that) and it's just really, really, cute.

right now, i feel like i've fallen head over heels in love with this summer, like i'm speeding down a beautiful sunny road with the windows down, and i've got nothing to lose. and free energy is SO the best soundtrack for it. (thank you, tucker boone.)