how [will i] keep you, just how i left you...

my whole life, i thought whoever i married would be some crazy awesome wonderful mysterious person, and i had to make sure to be in the right place at the right time, and...i don't know, go out of my way to be open to EVERY possibility so my future husband from Arabia and i could meet.

but over the last couple of years, i've come to a beautiful realization: i'm going to marry someone i know. i know that sounds obvious. of course i'll know them. and i'm not saying that i know them right now, cause i don't think i do, necessarily. (although it is a possibility, i'll acknowledge.) but it's not someone that i NEED to make SURE i'll run into in a big city on the metro, or in some giant class at a university, or on a safari in africa.
he's going to be someone that i'm friends with, that's friends with me. he's going to be someone that appreciates me for who i am, and will take me in acceptance of my good and bad qualities. and i him. someone that compliments me in the way i think and live. and i him. we'll come to a point that we decide that we can work together, through everything, to stay together and make a life, and to obey certain and specific rules that will keep us happy, and always say sorry when we're wrong. we won't stray, neither me nor him, we'll always be there for each other, and we'll cooperate. we'll be bff. haha.

and it will be our decision. it's not some mystical fate that creates marriage and love. it's people deciding to be selfless and good, and making a wonderful thing work. it's not something to rush into, and it's not something to avoid.

sometimes when i've been watching too many movies, or only hearing the cute simple summaries of relationships, i start to panic and think i need to start spending more time on south american beaches, or being friendlier to the kids in my singles ward, but it's not about coincidence. it's about decisions.

and, hahah, my decision right now, is to not date. and then i'm going on a mission, where i definitely won't be dating, in any form. and when i get back, it'll work out. it might take quite a bit of time. but that's OKAY.

cause it is OUR CHOICE to live happily ever after.




(this is not to say awful and hard things don't happen, i'm just saying a lot of hurt and confusion and frustation and bad situations--in everything in life--can be prevented by realizing the power of CHOICE we have. like, perhaps, it would be a good CHOICE to not marry someone after dancing with them and consequently falling in love in...24 hours? cinderpants? :) )