i love being honest with myself.

welp. this is my fifth publishing of blogposts today, thank you. some of ...most of the emotions and opinions i ranted about in those unposted blogs, i do not feel today, or in this present time in general, but it was still liberating.

p.s. i love provo. dang it.

i'm thankful:
for pretty much every late night this summer, and this fall
for everyone in my ward
for my bests
for my fam
for other people's birthdays
for beautiful cinema
for pumpkin pie
for homemade mashed potatoes
for library visits with the summer crew
for porch chats at both of those houses i adore
for missions and missionaries
for letters
for skaters
for spanish
for MUSIC
for snow
for automobiles
for escuela
for hats
for literature
for the gospel
for my parents
for long walks
for bike rides
for ice cream
aaaand for the heartache some of these things, and all the people that keep openly/verbally dreading my departure, are causing me.

p.p.s. a friend made a perfect analogy today: right now, at this point, i feel like i'm a driver in mario cart, trying to dodge bananas and bombs and shells, at the same time maneuver my vehicle so i stay on the road, and avoid hitting other vehicles, and drive as quickly as i can, so everything will turn out well. this was exciting at the beginning [of the semester], but now the level's getting really hard, and i'm sick of playing, and i don't know how everything's going to turn out...