last night while we were running around.

i KNOW i overuse the word cute. and i KNOW it's confusing. because, yes, i have a far more broad definition for the word than most people.

BUT.

efy kids are SOOO CUUUTE. i don't know why they bug people. they're so adorable, terrified of everything, trying so hard to act cool...pretty much all of them failing....ahhhh i love that aaaaaage. they're going through such a CRAZY time in their lives...figuring out who they are...actually...i guess college is the same thing. just scarier. hahha. anyway.

i love beirut. i can't remember ever loving every single song a band's ever written. like yeah...coldplay is incredible, i'll listen everything by them, and IIII think jason mraz's voice is beautiful enough that i'd listen to anything he sings...but i think that's more because i'm in love with the IDEA of the artist, and the fact that it's THEIR song, than the song itself.

but beirut...i just love. everything. today's song: (transatlantique, on elephant gun)

it makes my heart sssssing. i don't know any other way to describe it.

...i'm still not sure the point of this post....sorry.
haha.

oh p.s. there TOTALLY was a man that died at utah lake last week, his boat capsized, i believe on that super windy day.
WEAR A LIFE[VEST].
not that i regret going, either time, thank you ty and the best ward EVER.

p.p.s. i love the skyroom. and...when missionaries get to the point that they care more about working hard than letters. :)

i know the heart of life is good.

arching. (stolen from ryan. thhhhanks.)

yams.

prescriptions.

adorable.

eighty percent OUT.

sooo this week. i've been freaking out about my future, the immediate, the summer, the fall, the winter, the next few years, my adulthood...everything, hardcore.

"fear is the friend who's misunderstood."

i'm not really sure why. BUT. i had super awesome discussions with super awesome people that helped me realize a lot of things, including the fact that i'm lucky to have some very privileged aquaintances. (like, i'm priveleged to know them.)

"then the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining."

anyway. i've concluded...i need to live in the present. and this is my last summer of childhood, probably. which is okay. i just need to get out of crisis mode. and growing up will come when it comes, and i need to not sit on the edge of my seat and cringe...i can just let it hit me. cause i might get knocked over, but i'll definitely be able to get back up.

two friends helped me reach complete opposite conclusions. but i think my personal conclusion should be somewhere in the middle, which is where i am, so i'm glad for that. love is the most important thing EVER and you should never deprive yourself or anyone else of it. that doesn't necessarily refer to, or not refer to, romantic love. so. think about THAT.

"pain throws your heart to the ground, [but] love turns the whole thing around."

don't even try to deny that.

i'm too tired to write anything else. and it's probably TMI anyway. but guess what.

i will be in CA in 72 hours. ish. YESSSSS.

night.