i won't look back anymore, i left the people that do, it's not the chase that i love, it's me following you!

If you're having a ...confused, unhappy, questionable, missing, unsettling...less-than-perfect day, and you can't...think, listen to sufjan. i could NOT concentrate yesterday, until i started. additionally, i've been thinking about what a dear nathan said last night about music...how sensitive he is to it.

the reason i cry so much is because i love to let everything in. if i feel like anything...a movie, a song, a sentence, a look, an action, a conversation, had love and effort and passion placed into it by the creator, i'll give it a chance. sometimes i shut myself off, because it's more comfortable, but how can i live my life with my eyes half-open? so i opened them last night as nathan's choice of beautiful french music washed over me, and i went home and listened to some sufjan and worked on my paper, and cried, haha, and went to bed. and now, as i reflect over people and things and experiences and everything that i've learned this year, i can do it with my eyes open, and without that uncomfortable anxious feeling. i'm so grateful to so many wonderful people that helped me, whether they live in my ward, or in provo, or in kaysville, or in logan, or ...the DR, Brazil, CA, Canada, NY ...and i wouldn't take anything back.

i'm really glad i feel like this beFORE finals, so i'll be able to concentrate finally, and stop feeling anxious and unhappy and wanting this semester to end...haha.

anyway. thanks, everybody.
i hate sunrises. i also have a rather difficult time embracing change. but i'm doing that right now. hence, the picture.

oh, also, that WHOLE line^ in kick drum heart totally applies to me.
i'm excited for the future. for my life. for new things. and for development of other things. i'm not chasing someone i'm in love with, i'm chasing life.