it's really bursting at the seams, from absorbing everything, the spectrum's a to z.

i know i just blogged. but it was so illiterate i'm going to try again.

i always whine about missing people and hard things and growing up, but...hmm. it's okay. i have friends that are so willing to take big risks in relationships that always bewilder me...why do they so readily put their heart in a place where it can be crushed? well missy, cause they're smarter than you.

i blogged a list of what i think is a best friend awhile ago, but i had a much briefer, harsher version in high school. you had to have known each other at least a year, been friends at least six months, seen each other cry, and survived a big fight. those last two were a little bit of wisdom i grasped onto back then, probably stealing it from a friend. although they're unpleasant, they provoke needed thought.

for years i had comfortable friendships, occasionally ending up with some very dear friends. but not until i was a senior in high school did i understand how these friendships come about. it's nice to be friends with someone when you're having fun and being happy and playing, but when they start being stupid or mean, or you start being stupid and/or mean, and cause each other heartache, is when you truly grow together. it's not a good thing, and i'm sure our Father in Heaven doesn't enjoy watching us go through the process, but when we go through these difficult things, we learn how to truly love and find joy in life as our heart heals.

although i imagine how awesome it would be if all my friends were right around me, and things were nice and pleasant, i realize...that doesn't make sense at all. for example, my dear friend kirk and i, enjoyed being around each other, laughing together, whatever, in high school. we didn't realize how important we were to each other until we left for college, and weren't in the same city anymore. we thought we were good friends in high school, but when our friendship was tested, between the bumps and hills and small mountains we met along the way, (sometimes created by each other) we grew soooo much closer than we could've imagined. and this because we'd been pulled apart from each other.

what i'm trying to say is...everything's okay. it's more than okay. it's beautiful. because that which makes our hearts ache, is that which is teaching us true joy and love in this world.

please never ever let anything, or anyone, slip through your fingers because you don't want to be hurt. taking risks, as another dear friend taught me a few years ago, is one of the greatest things you can EVER do for yourself, in your life.
(and hey. i just listened to lack of color without crying for the first time in...since last summer. after like 200 listens. we can do it!)